


It's a Spider Thing

by xKyosan



Category: Deadpool - Fandom, The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bottom Peter Parker, Bottom!Peter, Concerned Wade, Helpful WAde, I Don't Even Know, Insane Wade, M/M, Precious Peter Parker, Spideypool - Freeform, Sub Wade Wilson, Superfamily, Wade Saves Peter, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug, Wade fucking wilson, Wade needs attention constantly, top!wade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-07-23 19:53:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7477686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xKyosan/pseuds/xKyosan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dreaming of a roommate in a sexual way can make life difficult. Peter finds that out first hand. The dynamics of a friendship can change when one wrong move occurs. Peter is fragile, Wade is fragile - and if there's too much take and not enough give - one of them is bound to get hurt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Black is White

**Author's Note:**

> Okaaaaay, so I don't know all that much about Spider-man and Deadpool's relationship. I love Deadpool and I love Spider-man... so... I've recently been super obsessed with them and after having a dream about them I decided to try my hand at a fic. If it's terrible I'm sorry.

_ “You’re my boo thang <3” If Deadpool actually had the ability to speak hearts, and send them to Spidey, you could be damn sure, he would. He settled for blowing kisses, though, as it was not possible. _

_ “Ugh!! For that to be true I’d have to actually  _ **_like_ ** _ you - which I don-” _

_ “Because you love me!” Deadpool’s arms swung around the Spider-Man, clinging to him for dear life. “Can I add my legs to this hug? Pwease?!”  _

_ “Urgh, get off me!” Spider-Man squirmed against him, watching as Deadpool squirmed right back. He was sure Deadpool had some evil menacingly perverted grin beneath that red mask.  _

_ “I love you too, Spidey-poo!”  _

_ “I’m going to kill you.”  _

_ “Awe, so cute when you’re angry!” His grip around the Spider hero tightened, and finally, Spider-Man was too irritated to even try and push away the man who was basically dry humping his leg.  _

_ “Come on, Wade - I told you…”  _

_ “Oh, we on first namesies now, sweetums?” His dry humping turned into what appeared to be a genuine hug.  _

_ “I told you - as Spider-Man I can’t-” _

_ “Right, I’m not good enough.”  _

_ “Wade! That’s not what I meant, and you know that!” Spider-Man was losing his patience with Deadpool. He hadn’t intended it to be said that way. But as Spider-Man hanging out with a murderous maniac would give him a bad rep.  _

_ “No, I get it. I’m a bad guy, it’s cool. You’re this great superhero, right?” [I’m starting to not like this guy.]  _ **_That’s a blatant fucking lie, you’d fuck his brains out same as me._ **

_ “Wade, come on, we talked about this.” He moved in towards the merc, placing his hands on his chest. “What do you want?”  _

_ “I want my Spidey to not be ashamed of me.” [Yea, good luck with that, he’s a dick.]  _ **_No - he’s a little… confused?_ **

_ “Wade - I’m not ashamed of you - but I mean…” Spider-Man lifted his mask enough for his lips to be exposed. “I’m scared of people losing faith in me.”  _

_ “Petey-” Wade caught himself, tugging his mask up and off his head. “You can’t be ashamed of what people think of you.” [Like we’ve got room to talk, look how ugly we are.]  _ **_My butterface! WAAAAAH_ **

_ “I’m not - ashamed… that’s the wrong word, Wa-” He was cut off, a hand in the small of his back, pulling him in so hard he couldn’t stand the pressure. It was almost physically painful. But being pressed up against that merc was something he’d wanted all night, no matter how much they bickered as Spider-Man and Deadpool, no matter how one-sided their relationship looked, and no matter how unlikely a pairing - they were perfect together. And being in his arms felt so right it hurt.  _

_ Wade had a way of rendering Peter unaware. So much so that his spider senses were essentially useless and he would be left feeling confused at the state he was in. It had happened on several occasions, his eyes would peel open, and a tinge of panic would hit him as he tried to piece together the entire situation that had been going on, retracing the night prior. Usually he was left with a headache and praying that Wade hadn’t taken advantage of him.  _

_ “You taste so yummy.” [And leave it to you to ruin a perfectly romantic moment.]  _ **_Oh, please, do you not remember the last time we dirty talked Petey?_ **

_ “Wade!” The red had already hit his face, flushing his perfect skin to a tone that made Wade’s belly tingle.  _

_ “Baby boi!”  _

  
  
  


“Get up!” Peter’s eyes flung open at the sound of Steve’s voice hollering into his room. His chest heaved at the dream - an annoying tightness between his thighs. 

“Fuck!,” He groaned. 

“What did you just say?” His eyes widened, looking at Steve’s face as he peered into the room. 

“Fudge. I said fudge.” Peter’s lips pursed, waiting for the punishment. 

“Uh huh.” Steve looked back, trying to locate Tony. 

“I swear!” 

“Its not like you to swear Peter, what’s going on?” Still not having seen Tony, he slipped into Peter’s room. “You need to talk?” he waited just enough time for Peter’s worried expression to reach him. “J, no access, please.” 

“Certainly, Captain.” 

“Uh, no - it’s ok.” Peter pulled the blankets into a pile on his lap. Teeth chewed roughly at the hidden tender skin of his lower lip. It made him think back to his dream about Deadpool. He couldn’t figure out why he kept dreaming like that - it was difficult to be in that type of situation. 

“What’s going on, Peter?” Steve nestled beside him on the bed, his blue eyes so bright it hurt Peter to look at him. 

“I uh-” He pursed his lips again, gulping at the revelation that stood before him. “I think I like someone.” 

“Oh?” Steve’s voice was unwavering, confident, and strong - as usual. 

“I keep uh - dreaming of them… like a lot.” 

“Well, have you thought about telling her?” Of course Steve assumed it was a her. Of course Steve assumed that he was straight, of course Steve in all his manly manliness would assume that Peter was - normal.

“Um… not exactly. I don’t think many people would approve of this person.” Peter’s tongue poked between dried lips, wetting them more than necessary. “So I don’t think telling them would be a good idea. Because most likely I can’t be with them in the end, so that would just be selfish if I told them that I liked them, right? Like I shouldn’t say anything to them cause it’d be wrong, right? Like they probably don’t really like me like that, they’re just kidding… so they should… and I should…we should just not be together right?”

“It’s not a girl, is it?” Steve’s head cocked, but he wasn’t judgemental - not like Peter had predicted. 

“Um, no.” He paused, unwilling, or unable, to bring his gaze back up to Steve. His heart had never raced so fast in his entire life, and he wasn’t sure how to deal with it. 

Sparks flew out into the room from the control pad near the door. Steve’s eyes snapped to it, noting the blade that had gotten caught in the metal innerworkings. The door opened, and the scarred man slipped into the room. 

“Hey,” Wade fucking Wilson.

“H-h-hey…” Peter stumbled over his words, catching Steve’s expression as Wade came further into the room. 

“He’s not wearing pants.” Steve looked over the boxers that Wade had on, incapable of holding back the laughter. 

“Yea, they’re avengers, and Spidey’s on my junk.” He winked, gesturing towards his crotch, inadvertently inspiring Cap to get lost. 

“That door repair cost is going to come out of your pay.” Steve stood, making his way towards the door. 

“Aw! Come on, dude, uncool!” [How is that uncool, you broke the fucking door!]  **Imagine breaking that door during sexcapades.**

Steve stood in the door, smiling back at Peter, “About that...” he paused, letting out a soft sigh, “...guy - you should tell him.” 

“Yea, Steve, like you’ve got room to talk, you haven’t told yours either!” Peter snapped back at him, feeling overly defensive. 

“My relationship is -”

“Excuses!” Wade chimed into their conversation, plopping down on Peter’s bed, hands waving a feminine goodbye to Steve. 

 

There was a long silence, and Peter was praying his morning friend would just go away. Both of them. 

“Petey…” Wade’s eyes shifted up to him, his lips pinched together, prepping for a cartoon like kiss. [I wouldn’t kiss us either. Have you looked in the mirror recently?  **The butterface is no more. Paper bag and fuck it. The it being** **him** **.**

“Wade?” Peter’s lips pursed after speaking, eyes still glued to the door, where Steve had stood. He watched as the metal opened and closed, over and over. Most likely the sensors were damaged by Wade’s katana. 

“Look at me…” his voice was a hushed whisper, and it did in fact draw Peter’s attention. It sounded so similar to the way he spoke in his dreams when he was needy or wanting. [He’s looking over here, oh dear god his fucking eyes.]  **Fucking** **eyes. I’ll give him fucking eyes.**

“What?” He immediately tore his eyes away from Wade, instincts sending them to look down. “What is wrong with you?!” he called out, diving his face into his hands. 

“Oh, come on, it’s fucking funny!” 

“LANGUAGE!” [Steve.] **Oh Steve. I’d fuck him too. ‘Cept he’s big, so he’d want me to.. Yea no, nevermind.**

“Wade! Seriously!? Put your dick away!” Peter peeked out of his fingers, catching glimpses of it again, red rushing to the surface of his skin, darker than even in his dream. Nearly red enough to match the spider suit. Not really, that would be medically wrong.  

“But it’s coming out of your mouth, it’s like someone fucking the back of your head! It’s funny, just look at it! Pweeeease?!” 

“Oh my god, Wade!” Peter’s hands were yanked down from his face. Head tilted, and eyes squinted tightly, he was still refusing to look. 

“Come on, Petey.” 

  
  


“I’m actually afraid to go in there and stop this.” Tony’s voice fell into the room, drawing Steve’s eyes to him. 

“Don’t bother, Peter needs to learn to deal with Wade. He’s not going anywhere. He’s a helpful asset, regardless of how annoying and indecent he is.” Steve’s eyes caught Tony’s deep obsidian like gaze. He yanked away from their shared stare, letting out a heavy, heavy sigh. 

  
  
  


“Wade-” Peter stopped, realizing where his hand had fallen. Either it was purposeful, or accidental, and he really couldn’t be sure, because he was holding Wade. _ Holding  _ Wade. He gulped, audibly, and his eyes shook, wildly as he looked at Wade’s twisting face. But Peter didn’t even try to pull back, he was in disbelief.  _ I’m dreaming, still, right? _

“Petey-” Wade’s voice was soaked in lust, but that sound was enough to make Peter tug his hand back. 

“What the fuck, Wade?!” Peter’s voice cracked, forcing an eruption of laughter to escape the man across him. 

“I didn’t do anything!” Wade cracked, laughing harder, his eyes soft on Peter. “Why do you think I’m all flustered!” Wade slipped off the bed, tucking himself back into the boxers he found so adorable. “Why would you do that, Peter?!” [Why would you stop him?]  **Seriously. I’m kinda over fantasizing about it. Let’s just fuck him.**

“Y-y-y-y-” Peter couldn’t form a word, his heart was racing too much, and he was too confused, and it was  _ way _ too early. 

“You what?” Wade had put the attempt at the word together.

“You…” he paused, trying his best to control his breathing. “You put my hand…” He let his sentence trail off, knowing the suggestion would be enough for Wade to again, figure it out. 

“Um. No.” [Nice try, kiddo.]  **Are we sure? Cause I mean - I’ve thought about those Spidey hands all over me and-**

“Shut up!” 

“What?” Peter’s face twisted. 

“Not you, sorry. I thought I heard something.” He’d done a mighty fine job of hiding his insanity from his sweet Peter for a good amount of time, but sometimes it was overwhelmingly difficult. 

He licked his lips, kneeling onto Peter’s bed. “But, Petey.” He paused. “Peter.” [Deep breaths, deep breaths.]  **You mean fuck breaths, fuck breaths.** “I didn’t - your hand I mean.” He smiled. “I wouldn’t make you do something like that.”  **Yes you would. I would. We should.**

“So…” Peter locked his eyes on Wade’s. “I… just…” 

“Yea…” Wade’s eyes shifted away from him and to the bundled blankets on the bed, knowing full well why they were scrunched the way they were. “So… do you-”

“Um.” Peter cut him off, gulping again. “Can we - can we not… do this?” Peter’s hand had moved to Wade’s arm, his thumb stroking over his skin. 

“Yea, you need to uh, get ready and I have to… do other things.” Wade jumped off the bed, towards the door. Before Peter had a chance to apologize, he was gone. [So closer.]  **I’m so horny now.**

  
  


“Better luck next time, Tiger.” Tony cracked a smirk at Wade. 

“Shut up, Tony.”  [Oh, so feisty.]  **Fuck, fuck, fuck.**

“What the fu-”

“Tony, language.” Steve’s voice was as warning as ever. 

“Yea, yea, yea. For gosh sakes Steve!” Tony rolled his eyes, letting out a heavy sigh. He loved his annoyingly old timey partner. 

“Do you… are you worried for Peter?” Steve looked Tony up and down, trying  not to make it appear as if he was really  _ looking  _ at Tony. They had a strange dynamic, as much as Wade and Peter seemed to have. Steve was fearful that if he looked at him too much, Tony would assume something and make a joke to deflect, and Steve knew he would get hurt from the rejection. He’d already felt disgusted enough with himself for even thinking about Tony like that. 

“Cap,” Tony’s head cocked and he moved towards the man. He hadn’t noticed how fatherly Steve looked until then, holding a newspaper, who knew they still printed those, brows furrowed as his blue eyes stopped scanning the page, hovering over a particular story. 

“Hm?” 

“You -” He stopped, letting out yet another heavy sigh. The room was heavier after it, soaked in anxiety. “You look like a dad…” Tony’s smile was so genuine it ached Steve’s heart. He knew his feelings were  _ wrong _ , but he couldn’t stop them. 

“Uh…” Steve shifted his eyes back from Tony, licking his lips. He wanted to kiss him, badly, wanted to throw him on the couch and taste him - but he couldn’t. For several obvious reasons. 

“Sorry.” Tony laughed it off, his hand instinctively rubbing the back of his neck as most people do when nervous. It was a change of pace to see Tony looking so disheveled, and Steve liked it a bit more than he should. 

“You didn’t answer me…” Steve tried to adjust the awkward air in the room, changing the subject was the best way to do it. 

“Oh, about Peter?” Tony slumped onto the couch next to Steve. He threw his legs over Steve’s lap, they had no boundaries with each other, though from time to time Tony and Steve had both wished they had. 

“Yea.” Steve adjusted himself. He turned to face Tony, glancing over at him as he placed the paper down onto the coffee table. His coffee had gone cold a while before, he was never able to actually finish a full cup before it went cold. 

“I’m not that worried about him.” Tony’s head fell back, eyes scanning over the ceiling beams. “I mean - I guess I don’t get why he and Wade are-”

“Wade and I aren’t  _ anything _ .” Peter stepped into the room. He stood before Steve and Tony, arms crossed. “In fact…” Peter gulped, more than nervous at the situation. 

“Son,” Steve let out a sigh, standing after pushing Tony’s feet off of him and getting a soft, “Awe.” at the loss of contact. “I know what you’re going to ask - and the answer is no.” 

“But -”

“Steve’s right, Peter.” Tony stood, placing his hand on Peter’s shoulder. “We need him, he’s good at what he does. He does the things we’d prefer not to.” 

“But he’s -”

“Peter,” Steve let out another sigh, pushing Peter down into the chair. “If you and Wade are a thing - or you’re not - you’re going to have to leave it at the door when you’re working, ok?” 

“I… I’ll try.” He let out a sigh, leaning back into the chair until he felt absorbed into it. “But if I can’t…” 

“Then we’ll deal with that when we get there.” Steve tried his best to give a reassuring smile. 

“I like him, a lot.” 

“Ah, the revelation!” Tony tried easing some tension.

“Tony!” Steve barked. 

“Hi I’m tony, I use sarcasm when I’m uncomfortable.” Tony held out his hand to Steve, staring at him with such an annoyed flat face Steve couldn’t help but laugh. 

“It’s ok,  _ Dad _ .” Peter let out a laugh, apparently the sarcasm was a shared trait that Peter had picked up on. “Mom doesn’t mean to be like that.” 

“Why am I the mom?!” Tony’s hands moved through the air. 

“Because if we were together, I’d obviously be the one on top of you.” 

 

The room fell silent at Steve’s admission. They all stood, staring at each other, gawking at what he’d just admitted to. It was awkward, hot, and heavy as Wade slipped into the room. 

“What’s going on in here?” Wade’s brow lifted, his hands pushing down the hood to his sweatshirt. 

“Walk Peter to class, Wade.” Tony gestured for them to leave, his eyes still locked onto Steve’s blue gaze. 

“Uh..?” Wade looked over to Peter. The young man had stood and and nodded towards the door. “Mommy and Daddy need some time alone.” 

“Right this way then sweetums.” 

“Stop calling me that!” 

“Spideybuns?” [You’re gonna piss him off again.]  **Good, he’s sexy as fuck when he’s angry.**

“Stop it!”

“Baby boi long legs, Daddy boi long legs?” [Seriously, he’s going to murder us.]  **We can’t die, moron.**

“Waaaaade!” Peter groaned, heading out the door, leaving him hanging a bit behind. He looked back at Steve and Tony, watching as the space between them closed and the tension increased. [They’re gonna bang.]  **Too bad we won’t be around to watch the show.**

 

“Boo thang.” 

“Ugh, what Wade?!” Peter stopped, turning around, only to fall as Wade slammed into him. He was so much closer than Peter had realized - that whole spider sense thing was really not working so well around Wade. 

“Shit!” Wade caught his arm and pulled, stepping back so that Peter could regain his footing. 

“Whoa.” Peter took a deep breath, his eyes shifting up to see Wade’s concerned face. “Thanks..” 

“Shouldn’t you… oh I don’t know, be more balanced than that?” [Seriously what the fuck is wrong with this guy lately?]  **His spider senses don’t work around us because he wants to bone. Let’s bone. Please.** “The whole Spider sense tingling, thing?” 

“I - uh…” Peter pulled away from him, heading down the sidewalk towards his school, again. 

“Peter!” [Fuck, he’s confused.]  **I like him like that, too. Is he even capable of not being sexy?!**

“It doesn’t work-” He stopped, being flung around by Wade’s grip. “...around you.” He gulped, noticeably, again. 

“Do I really make you that nervous?” Wade’s eyes narrowed on Peter, a smirk lifting over his lips. [Yes yes yes yes kiss him! KISS HIM!]  **I’ll do more than kiss him. I’ll fuck him up in all the right ways.**

“Stop it!” Peter groaned, trying to pull away. He wasn’t pulling all that hard, though he really wasn’t sure why. 

“How do your senses… not work?” [Because, he wants your D in his A.]  **We should just go into that alley over there and fuck him hard. Fuck his brains out.**

“Shut up! Stop talking about my Petey so vulgarly! He is an angel you dick holes!” 

“What?” Peter’s face twisted into more confusion, his legs pulling him away from Wade. It was the second time he appeared to talk to someone who wasn’t there. 

“Nothing, sorry.” Wade’s face shifted, he was trying to hide his worried expression from Peter. [Fuck, he’s gonna think we’re crazy!]  **That won’t stop me from fucking him hard into the night until he’s begging me to stop.**

“Stop! Stop talking about him like that!” 

“Wade?!” Peter stepped away from him, trying to get a read on his hidden face. He stepped back to far, slipped and fell back onto the sidewalk. “What the hell is going on?!” 

“Nothing, nothing, nothing I promise!” Wade knelt down. His arms moved beneath Peter’s and he pulled him up. 

“Wade, babe-” he stopped, eyes shaking. Why did he say that, why? He didn’t mean to say that, he didn’t want to call Wade that. Not for real, not in real life - only in his dreams. “Talk to me, tell me what’s wrong.” He kept going, wanting to make light of what he’d said to Wade. 

 

He didn’t reply. He stared down at Peter, his eyes wide as the conversation flooded over him. He could see the worry in Peter’s eyes, the worry that the dynamic was changing, the worry that their friendship would be lost, the worry that Wade was judging him. 

“Petey.” Wade sighed, pulling him into a hug. “It’s ok. I’ll pretend I didn’t hear it. I know you aren’t ready.” [You’re joking, right?]  **Perfect opportunity, and** **that’s** **what you say?!**

“I - I want to…” Peter chewed on his lip, not wanting the hug to end. “I want to apologize for earlier this morning.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I grabbed your dick. I had this dream and then you came in, and I thought that it was still a dream and - and - and - and…” 

[Fuck yea.]  **Too bad he let go, coulda been a fun day.**

“It’s ok, baby boi.” Wade’s grip loosened, and he pulled back to look down at Peter. “I’m gonna give you some space.” 

“No.” Peter grabbed him, forcing him to look back. 

“What?” 

“Don’t… go.” Peter looked away, embarrassment flooding over him. “I don’t know why I’m dreaming what I’m dreaming but I don’t want you to leave me… Walk me to school.” 

 

They walked in silence for a few blocks. Neither one really knew what to say to the other. There had been a divulgence of emotional attachment that neither one of them wanted to truly discuss, but were mostly just glad it had finally been put out into the open. 

Though that confession had caused the air between them to grow a bit awkward with their goodbye’s and if they touched, neither knew how to embrace the contact. Things were going to be complicated if they couldn’t clear up their relationship. But Peter was in no mood to discuss it that morning, he had to go to class. 

“I’ll pick you up later, ok?” Wade kept his distance, sensing the tension he and Peter had. 

“Ok. I get off at-”

“Noon. I know.” [Stalker.]  **Can you blame him for stalking that sexy little tooshy?**

“Ok, then I’ll see you at noon ish.” Peter smiled through pursed lips, teeth pinching hard at the soft skin of his lips. 

“It’s a date.” [Is it?! SCORE!]  **We’re gonna get laid.**

  
  


Wade found himself in silence as he made his way back to the tower. He dreaded stepping through the door, afraid he’d find Tony and Cap going at it, in more than one way. 


	2. Broken Bones Eventually Heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When their eyes met for the first time that day, they had that feeling of anticipation. And just like the calm before a storm, they knew the devastation that would come after taking that leap. Blinded by affection, wanting more than anything to be loved, hearts are broken from acceptance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is uh - interesting? There's a few lines in here that when I wrote them I literally asked myself "where the fuck did that come from?" Meaning I was INSANELY proud of the combination of words and how... errr poetic they were?
> 
> A lot of this chapter is really in depth analysis of the reasons why Wade likes Peter and more narrative? I guess... Idk how to describe it. Just fucking read it goddamn.

The Tower was cold, and empty. A desolate place for him to be at that point in time, but it still called to him like no home ever had in his entire life. Equivalent to the fact that Peter and he had shared so many memories there. He thought of his young counterpart, and how their relationship had somehow blossomed into something bigger than he’d ever truly imagined. He had always jokingly suggested that his feelings for the young brunette ran deeper than what was _truly_ on the surface, but in reality the idea of having an actual life with him was terrifying.

Wade feared happiness, he was constantly consuming himself in the dreadful idea that eventually happiness would be torn from him and he would end up miserable and alone, as he had before. To him, imagining a life with someone, who he could truly be with forever, until his last breath - which was never going to happen - was a daunting and nearly nightmarish ideal. That gave him his whole ploy. Fake romance.

In reality, the man was terrified to be loved, much like some of his other teammates. He saw through a lot of their facades, and had assumed, rightfully so, that they had also seen right through his. He attributed Steve’s behavior to that ideal as well. Assuming, like the ass he was, that the entire reason Steve was so aggressive with him about staying away from Peter, up until recently, was because he was convinced that Steve knew his intentions were not-so-pure. Not to say he was planning on wrecking the kid. Though that thought _had_ crossed his mind several times in the wee morning hours.

Of course he would entertain the fantasy, and _entertain_ himself while bleeding the fantasy to a small fake reality. He’d dream of waking up to see his Peter sprawled out on the bed, slumbering so perfectly with his face scrunched against a pillow. He would render a picture in his mind, morning light billowing in through curtains they’d argued over. Of course they went with the brown Peter had suggested, keeping it ‘earthy’ because ‘I’m a spider.’ And Wade only truly wanted to make him happy.

But it was a dream. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real. He was him, and Peter was fucking Spider-Man. He was one of the most beloved superheroes next to Captain America, his practical dad, and Iron Man - though sometimes Wade thought Tony was more of a hero than Iron Man was. But Iron Man was just a name - where as Tony was the real identity behind the hero.

In reality, it would _never_ last. Accepting a short fling as reparation for desires that should go unfounded was a cruel endeavor he would not task himself with completing. Even though his heart and mind, and soul craved to hold Peter like nothing he’d ever faced in his wildest dreams, he would not fall prey to the temptation.

He slipped inside, almost invisible, but JARVIS was always watching, always there. That was a scenario he’d never really enjoyed the idea of. The AI was annoying enough constantly calling him Sir. It was infuriating. He hated being titled with such a mediocre sense of self. He deserved better - or worse. But still slipping into the building, JARVIS announced his hello, and that was that. More or less do to the fact that Wade had no intention of standing around long enough to have Tony or Steve or anyone else make a fool of him. He had already hated himself terribly so for catching feelings in the first place. Real feelings. Faking it was one thing, but to genuinely want Peter - at his core - it was destroying the merc’s sense of self.

He was no longer himself in the mirror. He couldn’t see his own fucking reflection anymore. Didn’t believe it was him. Perhaps that was why he shattered the glass. Perhaps it had something to do with his self hatred at his appearance, and finding himself so unworthy of Peter’s returned affection.

[We should leave.] **Before I get to fuck my baby boi’s brains out?**

“Shut up, please!” He cried, actually cried. Tears trickled down the ceramic white of the sink, his body shuddering from the overly emotional state he was in.

[Aw, what’s wrong sweetie? You frustrated ‘cause you love him?] **Fuck man - don’t get caught in that shit again, member what happened last time?**

“Stop - just shut up!” He couldn’t have held his head any tighter in his hands if he wanted to. He was already nearly at his breaking point from the boxes, he couldn’t stand anything else being thrown at him. Emotional attachment was a drug he craved, and like a junkie he was terrified he’d come crawling back only to be destroyed by it. Slunked down like he was in the bathroom, body tense as tears poured over blistered and pained skin. He wondered how humorous it was, truly. How onlookers would judge a man of his ability crumpling at the realization he was in love with someone he could never really have, someone he could never really be with for so many tangible and intangible reasons. The most of which was simply - timing.

Maybe if he had come across Peter sooner in life. Maybe if they’d met before they were both forcibly turned into _creatures_ having parts of their humanity ripped away from them. What a fond idea, but in truth, Wade knew that even then nothing would have happened. He had always been a murderer. He never attempted to hide it. He was a hit man. He was a mercenary. He was a man who killed without reason, as long as the bill was paid.

And Spider-Man, even before the bite, was still a genius, was still a good kid, was in general a human to be emulated and idolized for the strengths they found in their weaknesses. Wade had admired that about him. Anyone who knew of Peter before the bite would have said the same thing - aside from the bullies he’d faced, which recently wasn’t as many as when he was younger. That change of growth between jr high and high school had made a large impact for the young man. Though brilliant, and sometimes a bit of a geek, he was still well liked at his school.

Which was why Wade knew that even if they’d met before it all - they weren’t meant to be together. They just weren’t right for eachother. A chemical concoction so volatile it could destroy the entire eastern seaboard. What man in their right mind would still pine after someone who was so clearly out of their league? Wade probably would - taking into account his levels of insanity rising so much on a daily basis. But he was sane enough to know he was insane.

Shattered mirrored glass encompassed him, leaving him wishing he could just end all the insanity there. His heart was swelling over with pain. He’d lost one love, begun the ridiculous joke of another, and was near losing that one as well - all by his own desire.

_“It’s just a joke, he’s just a cute kid who thinks he’s a superhero!”_

_“It’s making me uncomfortable - please, Wade.”_

_“Babe, you’re freaking over nothing, I swear!”_

_“Wade…”_

_“I can’t stop flirting it’s in my nature!”_

 

Why hadn’t he listened to her pleas? Was he so self absorbed that he just didn’t care? Had he been too distracted to really _hear_ what she was saying to him? Was he so convinced that nothing could ever destroy their relationship that his flirting with the red suited spider was really just a fun thing to do?

Did she not trust him?

That was how it felt. That was what ended it all. That was what she cried out to him the last night they’d been together. And it was what hurt him the most. Loss of trust is more than just a simple feeling. It’s a black hole that devours your sense of self worth from the inside. One hint that they don’t believe you, even just once, and the entire world is shifted into a cataclysmic course with destruction. The usual point of impact is the overall psyche.

He moved against the shards, breathing heavily as blood trickled over parts of reflective glass, shadowing the self he thought he saw beneath the blood. He had no idea who he really was. He was too broken to really know what life had to offer him other than satisfaction through killing - ridding the world of criminals.

The Avengers. He never deserved to be under their graces. They were all real heroes, he was a mock up. A forced hero, one who was more a criminal than anything else. He remembered something Widow had said to him, that he’d heard her say before. “Red in our ledger.” He expected that, when he saw her standing before him, saying those words, that somehow they would alter his sense of self. But they just bounced off him, no affect.

He heard them, filtered through them, over and over, expecting to feel so differently about himself after -he wouldn’t know what to do. But for him, the red in his ledger wasn’t something to be ashamed of. Maybe he couldn’t feel shame, maybe he just didn’t want to accept that he was fucked up. Maybe he really believed that there was nothing wrong with his way of doing things. Which said a lot more about his personality than he cared to admit.

[You should clean this place up before Tony comes in.] **Fuck Tony. He’s just being as deflective and bitchy as ever.**

“I guess the 20 minutes of peace I had from you two is better than nothing.” Hands shifted about the shards, more blood trickling freely to its place of rest on the floor. His weight shifted, scooping shards into the metal bin beside the toilet. He kept his eyes faded into the distance, looking through the world to some unknown anxiety that rested in the beyond.

The glass was cleared from the room, the drops of blood remained, tainting the pure white marble beneath him. Half caring hands moved for bathroom tissue, clumping the delicate paper into a terrible excuse of a wad and wiped away the small pools that spread about where he’d laid. The swooshing of the toilet was enough to finally wake him from his out of mind tance.

His eyes scanned over his watch, letting out a heavy sign. He had spent more time on that floor than he’d realized. A lot more time.

“It’s fucking 11? What the shit…” He shook his head, having made his way back towards the main of his room. He had to leave for the school grounds by 11:45 to get Peter at noon. “I must be losing time. Hey Mr. J, my diddly fucker, how long was I in the bathroom?”

“You arrived home at 8:35, promptly headed to your room and spent about 2 and a half hours sleeping on the bathroom floor.”

“Sweet.” He rolled his neck, bones cracking under the pressure of the muscles as they scrunched and released. “Ah, that’s good shit right there.”

 

“We can’t do this, Tony.”

“Yes we can.”

 

Wade’s ear perked up at the bickering going on just outside in the hallway. They must not have known he was home, or perhaps indifference to his opinion was all that affected them. Still it was the most intriguing thing to watch Cap and Tony have a domestic argument. Wade’s eyes shifted to the ceiling, his finger moving into the universal ‘shh’ hold, hoping JARVIS would allow him to spy.

“It’s… it’s - wrong!” Steve’s words stung a bit. And Tony didn’t try to hide that from him. He wanted him to see it, the pain he caused by his judgement.

“If it’s so wrong why didn’t you push me away?!” Tony moved towards him, grabbing at him only to be deflected by an aggressive touch.

“It was a moment of weakness! I gave into sinful temptation-”

“And it felt _good_.” Tony’s jaw was clenched so tight Wade swore up and down he could hear the bones breaking under the pressure.

“It’s not going to happen ever again, Tony. So I suggest you cherish the memory!” Steve pulled away, and Tony grabbed him again.

“Liar,” He pulled him down, hard, more force in his hand then he’d known about. He knew he wasn’t really capable of overpowering Steve, the man just wasn’t really fighting back.

“Tony!” Steve stumbled over the coffee table of the main hall, the same one his coffee had still been on, which spilled the deep brown across the floor.

“Tell me the truth, Rogers!”

“YES! OK! Yes!” Steve growled, trying to pick himself up from the floor, too angry to. “I liked it, I wanted it, I needed it! BUT THAT’S IT!” His sharp and vicious stare shifted to Tony’s face. He was so incapable of hiding how much pain he was in that even attempting it would end up in a display of even more pain and anguish by Steve’s rejection.

“So…” Tony gulped, hands raised in defeat, mouth so heavily frowning he looked like a cartoon character. “That’s it - just the one?”

“Tony-” Steve sighed, wanting to fix it, but he couldn’t. Tony wanted something he couldn’t give, and Steve wanted something he thought was wrong.

“I’m just a faggot, right? That’s what you said.” He stepped back, a quick turn of his heel, leaving Steve angry and confused.

Steve’s eyes, so angry, so blue, so filled with confusion and rage and disgust with himself for what he’d said. Names he’d never wanted to utter, all those years talking about how cruel bullies were, how they picked on people - and he’d turned into one. He’d called Tony a name - so hurtful. He _hated_ himself.

His body slumped against the chair behind him, hand raised to cover his face. It was a sad attempt to conceal the sadness that controlled his expression. It was easy to see, through the tensing of his body, that he was shuddering and trembling as the tears spilled from his eyes. He had just destroyed his chance at happiness, because his mind was too stuck in the past to let his heart move him forward.

“Well you seemed to have fucked up.” Wade’s voice tore through the emotional air with a ringing that brought Steve’s reddened and tear covered face to lift without much fight.

“What?” Steve wiped away at the tears, attempting to once again conceal his unwavering and undying affection for Tony.

“Tony… And you.” His hands motioned together, two fingers poking at each other until Steve’s face gawked at the revelation. “Bumping uglies?”

“What?! No!” Steve stood, moving towards Wade, who hadn’t attempted to move in the slightest even as the man approached him. Even as Steve’s hand grabbed the collar of his hoodie.

“It’s cool, bro.” He kept his eyes on Steve’s. His face was eerily calm during the entire situation and it made Steve ponder for a moment at his overall character. His grip on the collar of Wade’s jacket loosened.

“No it isn’t.” His hand fell like dead weight to his side. “It’s not. Because I love him - and it’s wrong.” Steve couldn’t help the tears, again, and just hung his head in the soul shattering shame that overwhelmed him.

“Yea it is.” Wade sighed, looking down at his own hands while he tried to convince Steve that his emotions weren’t wrong, or sinful. “Love is something you can’t control. It’s immediate, sometimes. Sometimes against all better judgement, when the world is telling you it’s such a fucking bad idea, you still can’t stop yourself from stepping off that ledge.” He paused, taking in a breath that was too deep for his lungs to take. “Sometimes, you don’t realize you’re falling, because they’ve already caught you.”

“I can’t let him catch me - it’s wrong...” Steve hadn’t stopped crying during Wade’s monologue, if anything it had made him cry harder.

“Is it? Do you feel in your heart that your love is wrong?”

“I - I don’t know.” He couldn’t believe how bedraggled he’d become over the entire matter. He had known for a while that he was growing more affectionate and caring towards Tony, but had proven to himself - or forcibly convinced himself - that it would pass and it was _not_ romantic. He was wrong. Dead fucking wrong. And he was paying the price for the assumption that eventually the feelings would fade. Because, in reality they’d only intensified to a point where he could no longer ignore them and had to make a determined decision on his course of action.

“You do know.” Wade was growing weary. They were both clearly on opposite sides of the arguments. Steve was allowing his old world thinking to influence his present mind, and Wade wasn’t about to let that continue. “Do you recall during a mission when you said, ‘Family, Stability, the guy that wanted all that went into the ice 75 years ago.’?”

“What’s your point?”

“Why did whatever part of you that lost that type of thinking, not lose the thinking that being in love with a man is so wrong?” Wade crossed his arms, feeling as though he’d finally managed to knock some sense into the density of Steve’s giant fucking head.

He paused.

He was at a loss for words, unknowing of why he had indeed kept those values, but lost so many of the others. He found himself, finally, no longer shuddering, no longer having convulsions with tears streaming down his face so heavily that his head ached. But instead, he was quiet, collected, and displaying the usual persona he offered.

“I don’t know.”

“Think on it before you go calling him a faggot again, k?” Wade took his leave with that more than cocky statement. He was being judgemental of Steve, of course, had no intention of hiding it either.

Leaving the tower was a bit more dramatic than he’d initially planned for, mostly due to the fact that Tony had in fact been completely emotionally destroyed over what had happened. Wade was still unaware of the entire conversation that had ensued between the two, and was too dismissable to even answer - had he cared enough to ask.

Still, passing by Tony’s room and hearing such a hero whimper was painful. Not only because he suddenly lost respect for the man (which made him feel terrible because he had every right to be emotional) but because it was a pain he was all too familiar with. It was hard to hear his cries of anguish as he passed through the hall, listening too keenly on a glass shattering against the wall with a loud outburst of “Fuck!”

He wanted to stop, sure, thought about it desperately for a moment, even stopped moving his way down the hall and placed his hand on the door. He had managed to adjust Steve’s thinking, but Tony was an entirely different ball game. Besides, he had his own love life to be concerned over - though pretending he didn’t was much more liberating than drawling on about Peter.

Yet he found himself leaned into the cold metal door, ear pressed so stubbornly against it, his head ached from the pressure. It was too much to deal with. It was too much for him to be obsessing over his love life, and the love lives of his ‘teammates’. He apparently, needed the distraction from his entanglement with Peter more than he cared to realize. He groaned at the idea of it, though. At the idea of actually being there for Tony fucking Stark.

Aside from the fact that he had set a lock on the door that would keep anyone from entering unless his life was very well in danger, there wasn’t much Wade could even do, other than listening and relate. But he had a feeling Tony was already three sheets to breeze, and in reality, JARVIS probably wouldn’t let him in, not before Cap - even under Tony’s orders to, ‘Keep that big headed baboon out!’.

So he left. Hands rummaging in the empty large pockets of his red hoodie, lips tight in a line. He made his way into the lift, and proceeded his way down the building. [What time is it, anyway?] **Almost 11:40.**

“Fuck, time passed faster than I realized.” Wade let out a groan, shifting his eyes away from the watch. He knew the whirlwind of memory was about to come crashing down, and he was more than incapable of dealing with the anxiety associated with his ex.

“Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.” [You say that like it’s going to somehow stop this anxiety attack.] **Of course he is, he’s about to crack! REDRUM! REDRUM! REDRUM!**

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” he grabbed at his head, again, clutching it so rough that his skull in fact, cracked under the pressure. A sudden wave of release washed over him, a clarity he’d not felt for some time. It was pure, adrenaline infused, glorious, fuck me bent over until I scream, soul searching and finding ecstasy. He could hardly breath at the transparency he felt.

But it all faded as soon as the bone splintered back together, and the pressure on his brain returned, sending him back into a curled position begging for the voices in his head to stop.It was a pitiful sight to behold. A sight he’d prayed no one would ever know of. He lifted to his feet, sighing as his hands dropped to his sides. He needed to get Peter, for more reasons than one.

But it was hard, knowing he was about to face someone like him, someone who’d returned the affection so willingly, only to somehow reject him. Wade wasn’t sure what to do, he had such intense and passionate feelings for Peter, and he knew they’d been growing, but fear had taken control of his mind, taunting him with the idea of destruction. His heart was too wounded to move on. A fling, sure. But Peter was worth more than just a few weeks of harcore passionate sex. He didn’t want to fuck him, he wanted to love him - and _that_ was what had become so terrifying.

Seeing the wreck Tony had been made into hadn’t made that idea much easier to avoid, either. He had known, or assumed, for sometime that Steve and Tony were about to cross that line, and had himself wondered what Steve’s perspective on it was. He seemed so easily adjusted to the world as it _was_ , versus _how_ it was. But that was a core belief, something Steve had maintained through several years after coming out of the ice. It wasn’t surprising to Wade that he was still holding onto one of the last things he had from before his ‘death’.

He was still stuck in the past.

 

He checked his watch again, 11:45. Time was moving quicker than he’d realized. Perhaps he was having anxiety too much to realize how distracted he’d become. They all seemed to have their vices, all seemed to have those anxious ticks, and all seemed to have some type of coping mechanism. Except Wade. He would kill to relieve the build of stress and anxiety - but he’d promised Peter that he wouldn’t kill just for money. They had to be _bad_ guys. He hated himself for it. Not that he was trying to be a ‘better’ person, but for allowing himself to become so corrupted by a love interest that he’d lost sight of himself somewhere in the catacombs of romance. He was sure his bones would rest there for eternity.

[Maybe he’s like, our soulmate?] **Don’t make me laugh. Love is a fucking lie.** Fighting the voices would only increase their chatter. He had no intention of really entertaining them, either. His head was already spinning with other worries, and adding them to it was a torturous quest he’d care not to endure. Though their mocking continued, he did his best to filter through it, focusing on moving one foot in front of the other, like a robot. It was hard, against reality, moving, knowing that no one else could hear the arguments in his head, sometimes unable to differentiate between _real_ voices and _his_ voices.

Tony came into his mind, again. Steve, he imagined him saying that word. So filthy and judgemental. Wondering how Tony’s first reaction was, how his face probably twisted into disbelief that he could even say such a terrible thing. He played it out in his head. Steve would have regretted it the moment the word spilled over, eyes probably trembling from self hatred and disgust with himself. But it went without saying that it had been done, and the dominoes were being pulled into a black hole.

Their relationship was likely over before it even began. That revelation hit Wade hard. Because he was in the same boat as them. He was the one stopping the affection, though. Was it just because they’d ‘had a moment’ or was it because he was genuinely afraid to love Peter the way he had known Tony and Steve loved each other. They were all so stubborn. He cracked a smile. It was hard not to be happy when his mind would force in good memories of what felt like family. It was hard to remember how far they’d come, and he’d only been there for a year. It was traumatizing.

[We should get him something.] **Something sexy!**

 

Coffee. Wade shifted into the shop, narily missing a woman as she sped out the door, screaming into her phone. Something about child support and how dare you this and that. The world was so ugly. Peter had been doing everything in his power to clean it up, and Wade was constantly adding to the John Doe’s at the police station. [We don’t deserve him.] **We deserve to get laid.**

“Um, can I get a…” Wade paused, eyes scanning over the menu, he’d forgotten to pull his hood up. The lack of shadow triggered it, and instincts took control. Hands fled from the depths of empty pockets, tugging at red until his face was hidden beneath the cloth, eyes stinging as the rush of anxiety came again. His lips pursed, and he fought hard to ignore the chatter he’d assumed was about him, all the while not noticing the barista girl touching his hand so soft he barely felt it.

Their eyes locked, and she only offered a smile so gentle and heartwarming he’d forgotten for a moment how hideous he was. A tear stung at his sensitive skin, a pinched, and forced smile. Her face was more worried.

“I like our orange sunset. It’s really good.” Her hand didn’t move, though she dipped her head to try and see his face. “It’s got cinnamon in it.” She was trying, a complete stranger, trying to help him. Maybe the world wasn’t so ugly.

But wade couldn’t speak, he was trying too hard not to cry, trying to hard not to have another break down, trying too hard not to focus on every small thing in his life that was cracking and breaking beneath him. Two fingers. Two fingers into the air, was all he could muster, holding out the money, shaking his head when she tried to give him the change.

How could such a stranger, treat him with such respect when he was so undeserving of any form of acceptance? [You have massive self hatred bro.] **Seriously… you just murdered my arousal.**

It was his new favorite shop, The Brewing Flower. What a silly name for a coffee shop. But it was enough to make a man who was so close to breaking, smile for the first time all day. Simply because a stranger was _polite._ Small words can change the outlook of an entire day, change the path a person walks from darkness to light.

Two cups in hand, walking down the street, with more pep in his step. [This author is rhyming, wtf?] **Ah, leave ‘em be, I could use some cheering up.** The voices were annoying, in his head, never stopping to let him think on his own. He regressed, remembering, once again - by the voices hands - what he’d seen between Tony and Steve.

His heart welled with pain. It wasn’t fair that love was such a fleeting thing, so close and yet still out of reach. Fear had so much control. The heart: a fragile creature needing constant nurturing and affection. For many, attention that was never so freely or truly given, it would ricochet their emotions into a typhoon of anxiety. Love. Fun, fun shit.

“Please stop reminding me of them.” His voice was low, so low he could barely hear himself. In retrospect he hadn’t really meant to speak them aloud, had prefered the thought to stay hidden in his mind’s eye. But it was too much at the forefront of his being. He was so terrified - every step he took brought him closer to something he could never have, something he could never hold, something he could never truly _see._ At it’s core - love was a distant memory - a painful and nostalgically vomit worthy memory.

[Steve and Tony? Why?] **Yea, thinking about them fighting always used to cheer us up. What gives?**

“They’re not fighting for the right reasons this time. This is tragic.” Where had this emotional side been hiding. Maybe if he’d shown this to _her_ , before she left, maybe if he’d listened to her, begging and screaming for attention - maybe he could have held on.

But he knew, in his heart, from the moment he met Spider-Man he knew at his core being - that shit would hit the fan. And when it did, his life would be _over._ Because who would hang onto someone who was no longer in love? So what was it about his failed love that hurt him so bad? If he’d moved on from her, then why was he still in so much agony? Failure.

Failing was something foreign to Wade. Sure relationships failing was fine, and he’d had his share of one night stands and short flings, but with her, it wasn’t just the failure of a relationship. He’d failed to protect her from his darkness. He’d failed to keep her safe and out of harm’s way. He’d failed. Everything about their life together was a giant F painted onto the front of his brain, so devastating and taunting it rocked him.

He had never thought of himself so poorly before. Even before the forced mutation, he had never really failed, not entirely, not so hard. So losing, not just her, but every reality he’d had was enough to snap him in half, enough to break his psyche so much that the voices became louder. No clear space, no white paper for thinking - all too cluttered with regret and hatred.

Delicate hands, covered in scars, placed the hot cups that had tingled his hands on the walk, down on the cement. Seated between two bushes, a ledge behind him - he was hidden. Self conscious of his appearance, self hatred spilling into him again. Such great regret for what had been done to him.

If he could change time and undo it, he would. Who wouldn’t? [But then you wouldn’t have your healing factor, or be like, ten times cooler than you were!] **Seriously dude, you need to accept how badass you are now!** He found it interesting how the voices went from our to you and we to you, like they were somehow separate sometimes, but one other times. That was his clue to his insanity, how he knew he was sanely insane.

That was the most challenging thing of his entire life. Accepting, without limitation, that he would likely be so insane at one point in time of another, that his own destruction would be the only way to mend his life. Though he couldn’t _die_ there were ways, indeed, of ‘killing’ him. Wiping his memory was the one thing he’d feared, because it was the pain that made him who he had become. He was fearful of his destruction, though more or less of the time he assumed he would be the one to destroy himself. Destruction was in his nature after all.

Knowing that someday, someone, eventually, would find out that if they destroyed the right part in his head, the right area, that all his memories would be wiped clean, and when he woke he’d have no idea who he was. Because the neurons - they’d be new, unused. And memories - they were a controllable idea - not a black and white script running in the background. That would be his death, his true death. Because he would remember nothing, and know no one. He would have no sense of self. And being in such an ugly world and being unknown would be enough to break even the strongest man alive. It would even be enough, he believed, to break a _god_ to their core.

The coffee was going to get cold. 12:00. Peter would be there soon. They could _talk_ . Not that Wade really wanted to. It wasn’t something he’d looked forward to, if anything he’d dreaded it, terrified it would turn into a giant argument, and he’d manage to embarrass Peter. As if being at the school with his ugly face wasn’t enough to embarrass the teen. [You really need to stop hating on yourself so much. We get that enough from the world.] **My buzz is never going to come back, is it?**

“Hey.” Peter’s voice caught his attention, but he wasn’t in sight. Who was he talking to? Wade peered around the bush, taking note of the girl, eyes glaring a bit. Gwen. Jealousy kicked in, and he fought like hell to fend it off, knowing he’d no right whatsoever to feel the way he did.

“Hey Peter. I was thinking about having a study group tonight, you in?” Her voice was so cheerful, so happy and easygoing.

“I can’t, I have to go to Stark Towers for my internship.” Peter stepped down another step, being blinded by the sun.

“Oh, I thought it was the Avengers Tower now?”

“It is, sorry.” He laughed, he was so transparent. Wade rolled his eyes, grabbing the cups before making his way towards Peter.

“Come on, Stark’s got a time sensitive schedule.” Wade broke into the conversation, looking over at Gwen, still trying to hide his face as best he could. It was harder in the daylight, harder to keep the shadow dark enough to hide the scars.

“Oh, hey Wade! Right on time!” Peter wasn’t the same as Spider-Man. He was much more relaxed, much less afraid to be natural around Wade. The suit - and the responsibility that came with it were things he could never escape.

“I’ll see you later then.” Gwen reached in for a hug. Her arms wrapped around his neck and shoulders, holding him. Wade flinched, pulling his eyes away from the two. “Bye Wade!” She turned and before he reached the level of courage to say anything, she’d turned the corner.

“How does she know my name?”

“Because I talk about you-” Peter stopped, realizing how that must have sounded to Wade. His face twisted a bit, reaching for one of the cups, taking a sip. “Cinnamon.” He smiled, eyes shifting to Wade’s, waiting for the looming question.

Wade didn’t ask it, though. Just turned and made his way back down the path he’d taken to get to the school. He wasn’t sure how to address the situation. He wasn’t sure how to maneuver through a conversation with Peter - didn’t want to break his fingers, step on his toes. As much as he begged to ask, ‘What you saying about me?’ he knew what it would result in.

A fight. And he hadn’t the energy to fight, his morning had already been so emotionally draining all he wanted to do was sleep, to forget it all and move on. But it was a fantasy, because the moment they stepped through the doors to the tower, he knew what was going to happen. Steve and Tony would be screaming, crying, fighting, and Peter was going to witness it. He was going to see first hand what happens when love goes sour.

“Peter, I was thinking…” Wade’s lips pursed, his eyes desperate to find something comforting. “We should -”

“I don’t think we can be together.” Careful the words you utter unto ears of hearts already shattered. You never know who’s already broken and who needs mending.

  
But as always, broken bones will eventually heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there you have it. Chapter 2 completed. CONGRATS! Thanks for hanging in so far!  
> Let me just say I am incredibly proud of the direction I'm taking this fic in! I hope you are all enjoying it!
> 
> Please comment! It gives me so much joy, you have no idea! 
> 
> Also I really appreciate kudos!


	3. Honestly, I'm a Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breaking promises should be expected of a mercenary, you can't really trust them, someone can always afford more than you. Peter doesn't know what Wade's honesty is, and when he finds it, he might run away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know if anyone is still reading this but have another chapter :)  
> Sorry, this is a bit shorter than I would have liked but I'm getting a bit or writers block and there's nothing worse than reading a forced story.

Wade was taken by surprise. Of course. That wasn’t even close to what he was expecting, not even remotely similar to what he’d been wanting, and definitely by far _not_ what he needed.

“I don’t want to…” But of course he was skilled and played it off. Sure he and Peter had a few “fun times” now and then, but did he _really_ want to be with him? [Yea.] **I fucking told you this would happen!** He ignored the boxes as best he could, reacting only somewhat emotionally to Peter’s deluded honesty.

“Oh…” He watched as Peter’s face twisted. Seemed as if the Spider-ling {Thanks Tony ;) } was having difficulties accepting how _easily_ Wade accepted the decision. And how he easily rejected him right back.

“Yea… Honestly Parker - it was just a joke… Sorry if you ever thought I was serious.”

“Vanessa left you over it - so I’d say it was pretty fucking serious.” Oh how Peter wanted to reach into the air and snatch those words before they hit Wade. But he was too late. And he wished more than anything that he could see the hidden face Wade had. With the bright sun and the dark shadow Wade’s hood created, he had no hopes of seeing the sadness and most likely outright anger he was displaying.

Peter stood in silence, wishing he had his mask to hide the slight panic his face showed. He didn’t fear for his safety, not even a little bit, he knew Wade wouldn’t hurt him. He was fearful of the emotional and psychological bombardment that he was _positive_ was on its way. He knew without a doubt that Wade was probably going over his words over and over, stringing together some intense reply that would render Peter a total emotional wreck.

He gulped. His eyes were still tight on Wade, praying that he’d lift his head enough to show any bit of expression, anything to give him a general idea of if he’d fucked up as badly as he thought he had. As badly as he _knew_ he had.

“You’re right.” That was the reply? Peter’s face twisted at Wade’s voice, brows knitted tight in disbelief that it was all he had to say on the matter.

“What?”

“She did leave me because of you.” Was he done hiding? Was he sick of running away from the fact that he loved Peter, or thought he loved him?

“She left me because of my interest in you.” He lifted his head, his face was eerily calm for the situation. It made Peter’s hair stand on end. Tingle senses, tingle.

“...Wade…?”

“What? You afraid of me, Petey boi?” His eyes were so hard, so tight, so - violent. Peter caught himself stumbling back, losing balance - that was unacceptable.

“No.” He tried to sound stern, Failed. His voice was even weaker than his equilibrium around Wade’s sudden change in attitude.

“Awe, what’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” Wade leaned in. Peter could see him. Really _see_ him. All the insanity that was the merc was rising to the surface. Even though everything in him was telling him to run, he stood his ground, staring right back at those haunting brown eyes that had somehow managed to look deathly black to Peter.

“I’m not afraid of you.” His voice was disagreeing with every word he uttered. He _was_ afraid.

“Mhm.” Wade leaned back, hands dipping into empty pockets. He kept his eyes on Peter, glaring so fiercely, he knew it had to be making Peter grow more uncomfortable.

“I’m not!” He’d lost his inhibitions with Wade’s taunting. He wasn’t about to stand there and take anymore of his nonsense. He was going to stand his ground - even if it got him hurt. Though he still didn’t think that Wade could actually hurt him - not like that.

“Is that why your hair’s on end? Huh?” he nodded at the end, his eyes bouncing down to Peter’s hands. “Why your fists are slightly raised?” He looked him up and down. “Your legs are parted, knees bent.” He paused before scoffing. “Face it, Parker, you and everyone else are always going to be afraid of me. Either my looks, or just the whole fucking me.”

“What?!” Peter took a step forward, brows furrowed at the sudden 'pity me' stance that Wade had taken. “Are you serious!?” He practically growled. “God, sometimes you can be so freaking dense!”

“Excuse me?” He stepped away, avoiding Peter's less than subtle attempt at physical contact.

“I’m afraid of the stigma!” Peter realized how loud he’d been, and how many eyes were on him. His face flushed red in an instant and he stormed off, head down, praying that no one could see him.

Rushing to the other end of school with a speed that was not common to Peter Parker as much as Spider-Man wasn’t exactly the best way to avoid unwanted attention. But then again with Wade trailing behind him, all he wanted was to run even faster, though he wasn’t _quite_ running. More of a quick paced step, almost a jog. He knew Wade was behind him, heard him grumbling about something or the other. Just his voice was enough to irritate Peter.

He ducked behind a large building, taking the corner so tight that it caught Wade off guard and he actually lost track of the spider for a moment. His eyes scanned about the strange area they’d wound up in, ears listening to any jostling sound. [Bingo.] **Why do we even care where he is…?**

“Peter!” Wade’s voice broke into the somewhat silent area. There was no one around, just he and Peter, though Peter stayed hidden in some bushes like a fucking weirdo. [Our poor oodle kanoodle.] **What is he doing?** Sometimes Wade wondered why the boxes even bothered talking at all. Most of the time they ranted nonsense that would drive him mad.

“Leave me alone, Wade!” Peter cried out from the bushes, hunched down so low Wade couldn’t actually see him, only hear him.

“No.” He knelt down, webbed in the face. “What the shit, Parker?!”

He was greeted with a small chuckle, that shortly after erupted into full blown laughter as Wade struggled to get the webbing off his face. Which of course ended in him becoming even more stuck. He couldn’t see, the webbing had gotten him right over his eyes, and his hands were glued, arms lifted so much a small part of his belly was exposed.

“Hang on.” Peter reached out, spraying _something_ on the webbing, and it slowly began to fizzle away into nothingness. “Better?”

“What the shit Parker!?” Wade repeated himself, on his hands and knees before a hidden Peter. “Why are you hiding in the bushes?”

“That was really embarrassing.” Peter shook his head, remembering all the times he’d been teased growing up, remembering some hurtful names they’d attached to him. Sure high school was better, but it was still difficult. He was 17 and in college, it was an immediate nerd stigma. Though that was _not_ the stigma he’d meant.

“What… talking to me?” Wade’s insecurities fluttered to the surface again. [Of course, you know this hood barely hides anything, right?] **Not to mention we look like this** **_all_ ** **the time.**

“No…” Peter’s tongue was quick, eyes darting around for anything stable. “I… You picking me up..” He groaned, he wasn’t explaining it right and he knew that Wade was going to somehow take offense.

“It’s ok…” Wade let out a sigh, hands shifting so he could retreat from Peter’s safety bushes.

Before he even managed to fully turn his head to look back, he felt Peter’s hands on his face, pulling him in, lifting his head so they were face to face, inches apart. [Is he gonna kiss us?????] **He’s just playing games with us.**

“Peter?” Wade’s eyes shifted up and down the young teens face. [This is wrong. He’s a kid, we _can’t_ let this happen.] **The hell we won’t!** Wade was graced with only the rantings of his boxes, Peter said nothing, and just kept closing the space between them.

It was everything Wade had always wanted, right? So why was he so terrified of actually doing anything? Was it because Peter was in fact just a child in comparison, did he feel as though he was taking advantage of his young hormone riddled body? Or was he _afraid_ to love Peter.

“Peter-” Wade turned his head, Peter’s lips meeting the edge of his own. His eyes widened, trembling a bit at the sudden affection he was greeted with. [ _That_ stigma.] **Ah, I get it now. He’s afraid to be gay with us.** He shifted his head back a bit, looking down at the close eyed teen before him, eyes still in shock over everything.

But Peter moved in again, sensing that Wade had shifted, feeling his lips. Peter _definitely_ knew how to kiss. His tongue, just before their lips met, escaped his perfect mouth and slipped into Wade’s, dancing over his every taste.

And Wade just sat still, mouth stiff and open, eyes still wide, shaking, hands half risen in the air. He was _confused_ . It was too good to be true, had to be, right? [He’s gonna think we don’t like him!] **Oh sweet baby jesus kiss him back already!**

Peter, feeling the rejection, began to pull back. It was a short lived attempt, however. Wade’s hand grabbed the nape of his neck and pulled him in so hard he swore the kiss must have been painful for the boy. But instead of a grunt of discomfort he heard the mumbled noises of lustful desires escaping Peter’s body.

It was just a kiss, but it felt like so much more, it felt like they’d finally admitted to something great and big, and oh boy… Mom and Dad. Wade pulled back, eyes more shocked, even then.

“Your… They’re… fuck.” He turned his head. He took in a deep breath. “They’re gonna _kill_ me.” [We kissed Spider-Man.] **One step closer to fucking his brains out.** Wade’s face weirdly blushed at the idea of a squirming Peter. He’s fantasized so many times, so why was he blushing?

“What? Who-” Before Peter could get it all out he realized exactly _who_ Wade was talking about. Steve and Tony. Though Peter had known nothing of the severe fight they’d had earlier that day, he knew how overprotective they’d been of him. And he knew that Wade was probably going to get his ass handed to him if he ever let on about their somehow blossoming relationship. If it could be called such.

“We just won’t tell them, then.” Peter nodded, feeling accomplished in coming up with the idea. What a terrible idea. Keeping a secret romance when living in the same house, very logical.

“Seriously?” Wade rolled his eyes. “Aren’t you supposed to be a genius, isn’t that why Stark likes you so much?” [Um, rude?] **We have to be nice until we get to sleep with him! I bet his ass is super tight… mmm Daddy’s hungry.** “Dear god, shut up.”

“What?” Peter’s face twisted as bewilderment took him. He was confused from time to time the Wade spoke, like he was talking to people who weren’t there.

“Not you, sorry.” [He’s gonna think we’re crazy if we keep this shit up.] **Aren’t we crazy?** Wade pursed his lips, returning his thinking to Steve and Tony. He had no doubt in his mind that Tony would bring down a hell fire if he - _when -_ he found out.

“As long as they don’t know we should be fine. And if they find out we can just leave and… go somewhere else.” Peter wanted to be with Wade, he wasn’t about to let the opportunity slip away.

“Petey…” Wade let out a heavy sigh, it was filled with uncertainty, and Peter picked up in right away. “Baby boi…”

“It’s gonna be fine, Wade. I promise. I won’t let anyone stop me anymore.” His lips pursed after speaking, eyes trailing over to the side. “I’ve run from my feelings for too long.”

Wade still wasn’t very convinced. Peter let go of it, assuming that in time he’d finally accept things as they were and wouldn’t run away. Then again, it was Wade, and he was a runner from time to time - especially when things got too emotional.

“You know.” Peter started in, crawling towards Wade to exit his bushy hideout. “I think I fell for you when you made that promise.” He lifted his eyes to Wade, hoping he’d move back so he could escape the bushes.

“What promise?” Wade did lean back, but he had no intention of letting Peter out of the bushes. If anything he’d take him then and there if the boy would have let him.

“You promised…” Peter paused, staring over Wade’s cocky expression. “You promised you would always protect me.” His eyes moved away from Wade, he couldn’t keep looking at him, had too much wanting in his eyes.

“I did.” Wade nodded, finally scooting back so that Peter could exist the landscaping section he’d hid so well in. “You really are a fucking spider.” Wade laughed, rising to his feet, arm extended towards Peter.

“So funny.” Peter’s voice was flat, less than amused at Wade’s attempt of a, dare I say it, joke.

“You know I have killed people for you though, right?” He kept his eyes away from Peter, afraid of his reaction.

“I know.” Peter took his arm,, being pulled through the air and into Wade’s chest was a bit overwhelming for him to take while his thoughts raced at Wade’s admittance. “I mean… I didn’t _know_ but I had a feeling.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, Wade.” Peter sighed, shaking his head. “It’s part of who you are.” Though he hated that Wade killed people - sometimes - he agreed that maybe it _was_ the better option. His gut churned at that thought, feeling as though he betrayed part of himself for thinking it.

“I don’t want to be a ruthless killer anymore.” Neither had realized the subconscious hug, not until Wade’s voice was hot on Peter’s cheek. Everything just came so naturally around Wade,.

“No matter what you do, I’ll support you, Wade.” Peter gave him a soft smile. They’d come so far from earlier that day, but neither one was prepared to take it the next step. Neither really wanted to. It felt right, the way they were in that moment. Nothing had really _changed_ , because it didn’t need to.

Without really thinking they both started a silent walk back towards the tower. Wade had hoped that Steve and Tony were talking more calmly, but it had only been about an hour since he’d seen them, and there was a chance that Tony was still throwing a fit and drinking. Which was a bad sign. Tony hadn’t touched alcohol in nearly 6 months, so to turn back to the bottle - Wade was admittedly worried about him.

The Avengers weren’t whole without Tony, they lacked a major piece in the pipeline without the egotistical -rightfully so- genius. In a way, Wade respected Tony. More like he respected him for still being a hero even for being as broken as he was. It inspired Wade to try and be better, just as Peter inspired him to be better. He wanted to be a real hero, not just an anti hero, but - it was difficult to change.

And people never _really_ change. Even if they want to, even if they’re desperate to, they never really change. They might manipulate their behaviors for a while, but in reality, at their core, they’re the same person they’ve always been.

That was why Wade couldn’t even keep his ‘no killing’ promise to Peter for more than a week. And the worst of it, the guy he ended up killing wasn’t even that bad. After the job was done, and he’d done some digging and research on the target, Wade realize he’d made a mistake, and he’d keep it hidden from Peter as long as he possibly could. The Spider didn’t deserve to be lied to, and Wade hated himself for lying - but he wasn’t prepared for the backlash of his actions. [Can’t do the time, don’t do the crime!] **Shut. The. Fuck. UP! God you’re so fucking annoying!**

“Peter…” Wade stopped, peering up at the tower. “Steve and Tony were really getting into it when I left. There’s a chance that they’re still duking it out.” He brought his eyes to Peter, a worried look resting over his face.

“They’ve been... “ Peter sighed. “I overheard Steve saying something on the phone about feeling disgusted with himself because he was… having feelings for Tony.” He bit at his lip, bringing his eyes to Wade’s. “I think… I think he’s having issues accepting he’s attracted to Tony - ‘cause of the whole… 40’s thing and God and whatnot.”

“Probably. Old Man’s got an ancient way of thinking.” Wade slid up to the door, holding his key-card up to the sensor. The doors slipped open and they walked inside. {Forgive my lack of description in this entrance hahaha.} [This fucking author man.] **What? You think he’s shit too? Finally we can agree.** {You’re too kind -_-’}

“I think it’s best if we just… leave them be.” Peter pressed the lift button to the residential floor. However, the elevator stopped short. It came to the right floor, but only halfway so. Their eyes peered in, and took in the scene.

“Shit.” Wade groaned, looked like Cap and Tony had gotten physical with the angry disagreement and rejection they both had to deal with, and completely trashed the place.

“What the hell happened?!” Without a moment’s thought Peter slipped through the broken elevator and darted across the room, looking for any signs of the two. “Cap? Tony?”

“Peter!” Wade struggled to crawl out of the elevator, more or less because it was sliding down and he was quite literally pinched between the floor and the roof of the lift. “I’m about to get a lot fucking shorter!” He looked at Peter, eyes squinted as he fought back a laugh at his stupid joke. [Oh dear god this might hurt.] **Ouch.**

“Shit! Fucking Goddamn mother fucking cocks!” Wade screamed into the room as the lifts cords cut and he lost the lower half of his body. Blood gushed out and his eyes squinted. “Wow what a rush!”

“Wade!” Peter bolted over to him, pulling him into the room, guts spewing out. “Oh god.” Peter turned, wide eyed.

“Could you maybe… go get my legs? I really don’t wanna wait for the rest of me to grow back.” He paused, smirking a bit. “For more than one reason.” He let out a laugh. [How can you be thinking of sex at a time like this?] **For once I agree with Yellow.**

“Are you serious?!” Peter rolled his eyes. Opening the lift door was the easy part, but the elevator had already plummeted to the bottom of the building. Of course it went all the way to the basement which was several layers below even the street level, so there wasn’t much obvious damage to the outside of the building. But still, Peter had a long way to crawl before retrieving Wade’s legs.

“Hurry baby boi!” Somehow Wade’s sincere interest had been murdered and his classic Deadpool attitude was rising to the surface. [Loss of blood?] **Dipshit, that doesn’t affect us!**

“I’m going as fast as I-” Peter stopped short, looking into basement level B. Something his eyes could not unsee. Tony and Steve. More of Tony than Steve though. A lot more of Tony than Steve; more than Peter cared to ever have seen in his entire life. So in a flash he shot a web over the glass door, an attempt at privacy as the two merged into one. [Is everyone gay?] **Of course not! Clint has a wife!** [Oh yea, his family no one fucking knew about because Marvel keeps murdering our ships… ‘cause let’s face it HawkTasha ftw]. **Excuse you? You mean BruTasha.** [No… Hawkeye and Natasha….] **I swear to god I’ll kill you.** {Stop the shipping wars, are you both unaware that Steve is practically hydra right now?!} [When your fandom has bigger issues than shipping wars.] **You stole that from tumblr!**

“Why are the boxes still talking, jeeeeeez shut up already!” Wade called down into the elevator shaft. [Haha. Shaft]. **I’m gonna fucking murder you.** Peter glanced back at him, confused. He was still unaware of the boxes existence. As far as he could tell Wade would have outloud thoughts, that was the only solution.

“Wade,” Peter came crawling back up the wall. Wade’s bottom half was being strung behind, in a netted web.

“My legs!” Wade clapped, holding his arms out to quite literally realign everything. With a quick twist and snap his body was already mending the needed repairs. “Much better.” He let out a sigh and moved towards Peter.

“You’re welcome.” Peter smiled, looking Wade over. “You should go change.” He went to turn. Instead he found himself being pulled back and into Wade.

“I’m glad they made up.” He clung onto his little spider boy, tighter than needed. “It makes me happy when people find love.”

“You’re one to talk.”

“Cause I’ve lost it so much?”

Peter paused, he hadn’t meant it _quite_ like that. Though that was what he was talking about. He had never asked Wade about his lovers, but he had always known it was a rather large list.

“Yea… Like…” He brought his eyes to Wade’s. “Have you ever really been so in love that even the idea of even moving on was painful?” He pulled his eyes away from Wade’s gaze. Too afraid to show any jealousy over Vanessa. He had always assumed Wade was insanely in love with her, and that he stood no match if she chose to even return.

“Yea.” Wade nodded. “Vanessa…” his tongue poked through his dried lips, an attempt to wet the forever scared and dried skin.

“Yea…” Peter’s voice was shallow, very flat and somewhat jealous. “Yea.” He tried a weak attempt at conviction.

“It’s ok, Peter.” Wade pulled back, stepping away from him. “I’ve accepted it… She just wasn’t happy with me anymore. I’m not gonna change for anyone.”

“You did for me. So are we gonna end up the same?” Peter couldn’t keep his mouth from blurting out every thought.

[Aw, he doesn’t wanna lose us. That’s so cute.] **But we did agree not to murder for him.** “And we didn’t follow through.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” [Why are you trying to hide us from him?] **Because he’s ashamed!** “No I’m not!”

“Wade!” Peter grabbed his arm, pulling him. “What the hell is going on with you?!” He was growing sick of the secrets.

“I… uh…” He took in a deep breath, letting out a slow sigh. His hands reached for Peters, and they tangled together for a moment, every finger interlocked. “I hear voices. I call them boxes, because I can see them. Like the boxes of a comic book!” [Oh god, he’s gonna think we’re crazy!] **We are... So there’s that.**

“Hm…” Peter looked him over, a soft smile on his lips. “I knew there was more to your insanity.” He plunged himself against Wade, holding him. “How long have you kept this from me?”

“I honestly don’t know.”

“I love you.”

  
[What?] **Shit.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, sorry I implanted myself into this chapter, but this whole Steve is hydra thing is making me angry, cause he isn't but he is, and like no one seems to get that. And like COME ON STEVE FOR REAL?!
> 
> I also really did steal that thing from tumblr, I have NO idea who originally posted it because I saw it like 3 weeks ago, but yea... if you know, comment and I'll tag them for sure :D


	4. Better Left Unsaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domination or submission? Wait... Who's on top?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I'm sorry it took so long to update I got major writers block for all my fics the last week and I was struggling to put anything out other than emo angst filled poetry! I finally got it out of my system I think so TADA!

Wade ran from the room, more of a quick dodge and bounce out than a full on run. He was shocked. They’d just accepted their feelings, and to throw that out of him out of nowhere was - shocking, to say the least. Peter hadn’t intended to say it then, either. He knew it wasn’t the right moment to come out with that, and he honestly meant it more platonically than anything else. But he knew Wade must have assumed that it was some grand gesture at their blossoming romance.

Still his sudden retreat was a painful thing to process. Budding love rested levels below, and his own was quickly murdered with a swift dusting of Round Up. He was once more left alone, and convinced himself, with little effort, that it was better that way. Whether or not Wade could die, he could get hurt - and that worried Peter. He worried a lot, all the time, about anyone involved in his wretched life.

Standing alone in the room, head down turned in disappointment he was a sight for sore eyes. But there were no eyes to see the tormented soul that was Peter’s. The room wasn’t as destroyed as he thought it would have been all things considered. When Wade said, “duking it out.” that usually meant full forced, one of them might die, type of fighting. To Peter, it looked more or less like Tony had gone rage mode and Steve tried to calm him down.

But he’d never know.

 

He wanted to ask JARVIS, to see if the AI would grant him access to the documents, but decided against it and moved across the room to start some of the clean up. Using his webbing to fix up the room was a lot easier a task to accomplish. Once in awhile, he enjoyed using his abilities for everyday things, instead of just fighting. It was whimsical and brought him some sense of normalcy in his rather chaotic world.

Then he questioned staying at the tower, or returning to live with Aunt May. He loved being there, with The Avengers, with Wade, but the situation he’d found himself in that day made him worry about sticking around. Wade was clearly not ready to commit, and he wasn’t really in the mood to wait around for the man to figure himself out. As far as Peter was concerned, or aware, Wade had always been ready to adore him, so the lack of affection was confusing.

But leaving the tower was also a terrifying thought. He’d had everything he’d ever wanted right before his feet, and running from it would only delay the outcome - prolong the pain a bit. At least, that’s what he thought.

Shattered remains of a room so inviting were laid to waste before his feet, and he wondered about life in its totality. The corruption, the desperation, the angst that consumed him. He’d had the ability to fight, to stand on his own two feet and destroy the evil of the world and was failing, miserably. For every one he stopped, for every criminal he destroyed another appeared, took the evils place. It was a war without victory, life.

“Peter.” The deep voice ripped through the air, springing Peter from his dazed thoughts. It was more of a question, but still his hazel brown eyes moved to meet blue. Captain America.

“Steve.” Peter’s headed nodded in submission to the leader of their group. He’d come a long way up the ladder, but had much further to climb.

“Thanks, for this.” He nodded towards the younger man, a smile creeping onto his lips. He’d noticed the webbing covering the elevator door, and known Peter had seen. He and Tony were still on different pages, despite what had happened. Steve was ashamed, Peter saw right through him.

“Do you love him.”

“Excuse me?” Steve’s voice was harsh into the air that had turned cold from discomfort. Peter was strong, and defiant in return.

“Do you love him, Steve?” His eyes were rested hard on Steve’s. Staring at the deep and mesmerizing blue brought him a strange sense of peace.

“I don’t really think that’s any of your business.” Steve’s hands gathered a pile of books, sorting them, right side up, returned to the shelf.

“I think it kinda is.” Peter grabbed a bundle of rubble into a sling of web. He hoisted it over his back and dragged it towards the elevator shaft. “I mean,” he huffed. “If you two are going to be fonduing all the time - shouldn’t we be aware?”

“No one’s ever going to let that go, are they?” Steve sighed, shaking his head as the same innocent smile swept over his face.

“Probably not.” Peter joked, reaching down. “Ouch.” He looked at the blood as it spilled over and onto the floor. Broken glass, a photo. The team.

“You ok?” Steve took the boy’s hand into his, looking over the wound. It wasn’t anything serious, just a small cut, but fingers loved to bleed.

“I’m fine.” Peter smiled, a slight tug of the hand. Steve released his grip. He looked over Peter, the smile had vanished.

“You know.” Steve started in, eyes shifting to Tony as he slipped into the room. “If you and Wade -”

“We aren’t.” Peter stopped him before he could finish the thought. He didn’t want to think about Wade, or the rejection. Second time in one day, and he’d had enough. He was done playing games, with all of them, not just Wade. He wanted to belong, a place to feel safe, and he’d gotten it, and it was all falling apart.

“Peter.” It was Tony’s turn for enlightenment. “If you like him, you should tell him.”

“That’s the problem, I did. He left. I don’t think… I don’t know.” He sighed, seating himself at the torn up couch. Some dust flew off as the air shifted through fabric.

“He left?” Steve’s brow raised high on his forehead, disbelief at the truth Peter spoke.

“Yea… I just said ‘I love you.’ and he took off.”

“You dropped the L word?!” Tony shook his head. “Jesus, no wonder he left! You probably spooked the idiot!” Tony and Wade had a very interesting relationship. They respected each other enough to get along, but in reality could barely stay in the same room together for more than a few minutes.

“Tony!” Steve snapped at him, drawing his angry stare from Tony. It readjusted before his gaze fell onto Peter. “Son,” Steve shook his head, sighing. “He’s just nervous. Don’t take this as a rejection. That’s just a lot of affection to throw at someone.”

“Right.” Peter nodded, eyes down turned in disbelief. Part of him wanted to believe Steve, badly. But there was no denying the fact that Wade had already fully rejected him, then he to Wade. It wasn’t a far leap to think it was just a game.

“Lets finish cleaning up… Also, how to repair the elevator.” Tony tapped a wrench against his hand as he moved towards the wide open lift doors. “That’s a lot of blood.”

“Oh yea, Wade lost his legs when we climbed out.” Peter moved his way across the room, next to Tony. “I can probably pull up the elevator if Steve helps and you can weld the lines?”

“Well, we also need to make sure the elevator itself  isn’t damaged, which it probably is. But there is another lift we can use until this gets fixed. Let’s just focus on cleaning up the rubble and go from there.” Tony patted his hand against Peter’s shoulder.

“How did you two even manage to break the elevator?” Peter looked back at the broken doors, head cocked. “I mean, that’s pretty impressive.”

“Repulsor beams.”

“Tony! You shot repulsors at Steve!?” Peter pushed at Tony, shaking his head. “What the heck is wrong with you?”

“I said I was sorry!” Tony looked to Cap, begging for him to swoop in and stop Peter’s assault. Steve shook his head, a happy frown planted on his face.

“Sorry, Tony. You got yourself into this, you explain to him how you tried to kill me.”

“Wh-What?! I didn’t try to kill you! They were warning shots!” Tony shifted away from Peter, moving towards Steve.

“Eh, whatever.” Peter rolled his eyes. It wasn’t really a big deal, well it was, but not as big a deal as other events that, on occasion, took place. There was the time Tony had been working on an experiment and burned through an entire level, of course the time the reactor coils burst and exploded his workshop. Peter also recalled a radiation leak that put the entire tower and two blocks around it in quarantine.

“Steve, you know I would never actually do anything to hurt you, right?” Tony’s face was worried. He and Steve already had such a complicated relationship, any more strain and the flowering bud would wither in the heat of the summer’s sun.

“Tony, it’s fine. Really.” Steve’s brows crinkled up his forehead, a soft and gentle smile lifting his lips, perking his cheeks.

“Can we focus on the clean up, stop making goo-goo eyes. Jeez.” Peter shook his head, another eye roll following as soon as he thought Steve and Tony couldn’t see his face.

“I saw that.” Of course Steve had though, even if he hadn’t, he’d known Peter well enough that the tone alone was a dead give away.

He ignored the remark and continued his collection of debris. Most of it had already been stacked into one pile, tangled in his webbing. It made for a faster clean up. Splintered wood poked out and attempted to cut at the strings, completely incapable of severing the material. Peter’s eyes shifted to Tony and Steve, watching. He wanted something like what they had. That friendship over years that slowly etched love into their hearts. His affection for Wade was similar, but not as strong.

He wanted that devotion. That yearning to just be _around_ someone. He wondered what it was like to open your eyes and care only about their opinion. His heart fluttered at the thought of waking up, pressed against Wade’s naked chest. He fantasized at the feelings of the scarred and burned skin, the heat against him. He bit his lip, shaking his head to rid his mind of the thought. But like a virus it crept back in, taunting and teasing him.

“Do you guys need help?” And then Wade’s voice enveloped him. His eyes shot like daggers to the sound, desperately seeking an answer. A response to what he’d said. Any hint at returned affection. He was so wanting, and needing of love.

“Wade, how’s the lower half?” Tony cracked a smile, an immediate attempt to disarm the thicket of lust in the room.

“Better than before, if you know what I mean.” He returned Tony’s smirk with a wink, wide mouth open in a smile. His eyes shifted to Peter in the back of the room and the smile disappeared.

“We’re actually almost done with clean up in here. Why don’t you and Peter go to that chinese food place around the block and pick up dinner?” Tony looked back at Steve, pleading for him to urge Peter to go.

“That sounds swell.” Steve placed his hand over Peter’s shoulder. His eyes glistened and gleamed as they fell onto the young man. He spoke a million words to Peter in that look. Something Peter desperately needed, a father figure, someone to direct him and guide him through the perils of life.

“I don’t know…” A plump pink lip was tugged between teeth at Peter’s beckoning. His hazel brown eyes shifted to the masked man. Peter hadn’t noticed it at first, but Wade was hiding again, hiding behind the red and black that suited him so well.

“Wade…” Peter sighed, moving across the room. He stood before Wade, staring up at the white where his eyes rested. His hands moved with instinct to pull off the mask. Fingers hooked just beneath the fabric, thumbs pushing up to reveal a strong jaw. Wade’s hands caught Peter’s. No words needed to be said. He wanted Peter to stop, always had. He hated being shown off, all destroyed and scarred.

“Wade…” Peter repeated, moving in a bit closer. The scent of coffee still lingered on Wade’s breath, and even through the mask Peter could sense it. “Please, don’t hide from me.” He pushed up again, but Wade’s hands didn’t let up. Even behind the mask, even with his face hidden, Peter knew the hurt. “I don’t know… I don’t know what to say to make you show me.”

“I’m not going to show my ugly mug to anyone baby boi.” Wade pulled Peter’s hands away from his face. Guiding them to Peter’s side was easy, making him keep them there, not so much. “It’s not just you, so don’t think I’m singling you out.”

“Wade…” Peter dropped his head onto Wade’s chest, letting out one more sigh before taking in the smell. Iron. A little like blood, but not quite. He’d found himself craving that scent from time to time.

“Peter…” Wade retaliated, a smile hidden beneath the mask.

“Later… can we talk?” He pulled his head away from the merc and looked up, wishing he could see those big brown eyes. “It’s important.”

“Of course.” Wade nodded. Something in him had changed. He wasn’t as flamboyant and obnoxious as usual. It worried Peter, and Steve, and even Tony.

“We should be back in 20 or so.” Peter gave a half wave to Tony and Steve, tugging Wade behind him.

 

“Why do you insist on wearing it even at home?” Peter couldn’t hold the question back. They’d been walking for a few minutes in silence and the agonizing quiet was getting to him.

“Because… I’m ugly.” Wade let out a sigh, repeating it only irritated him, but he also understood why him constantly wearing it would bother Peter. As well as why he needed to consistently remind the young man _why_ he wore it. It had been a long time since they’d known each other, and most of the time he kept the mask on, even when eating.

“You’re not.”

“Peter, stop lying.” He shifted his gaze to Peter, hands delving into his pockets. It was a desperate attempt to control the frustration.

“I’m not.” Peter groaned, stopping to look at Wade. “You’re so hung up on your outer appearance.” He let out a sigh, grabbing Wade’s arm to stop him. “I’m being serious, Wade.”

“What’s the date?”

“August 1st… why?” Peter’s face twisted.

“April was 4 months ago.” Wade bopped him on the nose and started to walk again, hands returning to his pockets.

“This isn’t a joke, Wade!” Peter grabbed Wade’s shoulder, forcing the merc to turn around and look at him. “This isn’t a game! It hurts me that you won’t trust me enough to not judge you.”

“You think that’s why I wear my mask around you?” Wade let out a laugh. It was sharp and judgemental. Something devious was laced in its depths.

“That’s what it feels like.” Peter turned away from him. He brought his eyes up to Wade’s, then pulled them back, eyes focusing on a small crack in the sidewalk.

“Well you hit the nail on the head.” Wade forced a smile he knew Peter couldn’t see. [Liar Liar!] **Pants on fire? Are we on fire???**

Peter let out another groan. “Ugh, Wade…” He shook his head, diving to hug the man. “It’s not something that will ever bother me. I could wake up to see your face and I will love it everyday, just the same.”

“Kid…” Wade pulled back, looking down at him. “I think it’s real cute how you like me, and what not… but… Let’s get something clear here.” He took in a deep breath. “You’re a kid. You’re 17. I’m 28. This is… I’m sorry. But I can’t.”

“Kid…” Peter nodded, pulling away from him. “Let’s just get dinner and go home.” The words stung. Of course they did. He’d thought without a doubt that Wade actually wanted to be with him. And all along it had been a joke, a charade, a taunt. Of course it hurt, it hurt like hell. After Gwen, he shut off completely. And then Wade, somehow, through a fucking miracle, managed to break down his walls and then SLAM. As soon as he finally let the man in, rejection. And there was no way of misreading the situation. Wade made it as black and white as possible.

“We’re here to pick up for Tony Stark.” Wade took the lead, more or less because Peter was too caught up in his head to really focus on anything other than maintaining some bit of composure.

“Peter?” Peter had been so off in his own world that he hadn’t noticed the host of the restaurant. But the call of his name was enough to pull his attention from the brooding running rampant in his mind.

“Uhm, yea.” Peter lifted his stare, hazel brown eyes on the man.

“Hey, we have physics together!”

“Mark?” Peter’s eyes brightened a bit. He approached the register, a stupid smile spreading over his face. Wade’s body tensed. Peter noticed it from the corner of his eye. He wasn’t about to use Mark to make Wade jealous, but it was a nice feeling to have.

“How are you? I heard you are working with Tony Stark!” The boy was attractive, to say the least. Bright green eyes, dirty blonde hair, perfect skin, and a smile that would pale out the sun. What got Wade worried was his physique. He wasn’t too big, not too built, actually had a very similar body type to Wade himself. And the bones, the jaw line. Wade knew how much Peter liked a good jaw line.

“Good of you two to catch up but Mr. Stark isn’t a patient man.” Wade nudged Peter, shooing him towards the door. “See you later Nerd Brigade.” He waved two fingers and darted out the door after shoving Peter out.

“What the hell Wade?” Peter turned back to look at him once they were at the corner. The streets were calm, even for a Tuesday afternoon.

“What the hell me? What the hell you?! Flirting up a fucking storm in there, are you serious?!” Wade flailed his arms. Brown paper bags filled with food soared through the air with every gesture he made.

“Excuse me?!” Peter growled, arms crossing in his defense. “You don’t get to be jealous of me. And I wasn’t flirting. I was having a regular damn conversation. You’d know what that was like if you actually just talked to people!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” [This is getting tense.] **Shut up, now’s not the time to distract Wade!**

“All you ever do is joke around! You turn everything serious into something trivial even when it took someone a lot of courage to say it!” Peter went to turn. He was caught by Wade’s hand, stopping him from running right into the road. A bus went by blaring it’s horn.

“Be careful!”

“What do you care if I die, huh!?” Peter smacked at Wade’s hand. Tears had built in his eyes, and he was just standing there, staring up in anger at Wade. “You don’t fucking care about me! It was all just a stupid fucking game to you! I was a game! Just someone to tease right? Pass the time with! Well screw you, Wade!”

“Are you serious!?” Wade grabbed at him again, and was greeted with the same aggressive shove. “Stop it, Peter!” He reached out, again, and again, was swatted away. “Peter!” Wade groaned, grabbing both of Peter’s hands in his, pulling him in. “Stop it!”

“Let go!” Peter was more than capable of overpowering Wade if he really wanted to. But he couldn’t deny that the determination Wade had made him feel vulnerable, and that was something he didn’t feel all that often.

“It’s not a game!” Wade pulled Peter into a hug, holding him so tight he could hardly breath. “You’re too good for me.”

“What? Why would you say that?” Peter nuzzled his face against Wade’s chest, taking in a deep breath.

“Because you are.” Wade’s voice softened, whispering into Peter’s ear. “You’re so… beautiful, and smart and… I’m not. I’m not anything like you…” Wade wasn’t lying. It was the truth, every word that he said was what he believed to his core. He didn’t deserve Peter he would never be good enough for Peter.

“Wade…” Peter laughed into his chest, lifting his hands to wrap around Wade’s waist. “You’re an idiot.”

“I know.” He smiled into the mask, tucking Peter’s head under his chin. He’d never felt so right holding someone in all his life. Even with his extensive list of ex lovers.

“I love you because you’re trying so hard. I’ve never seen someone try to better themselves. And even if you don’t change - I’ll still love you.” Peter pulled back. His eyes shifted up, staring at Wade.

“Stop saying you love me.” Wade turned away from Peter, his head tilted down.

“Does it really bother you that I do?” Peter’s hand went off instinct, again, and moved to Wade’s face, forcing the mercenary to look down at him.

“You souldn’t love someone like me, Peter.” He cupped Peter’s hand against his cheek, nuzzling into the affection.

“The funny thing about love is that you can’t control it.”

 

[This kid is so fucking corny and sappy.] **Isn’t that the author’s fault?** [Shut up.]

 

“Let’s get this food home, and then you and I can have that chat you want to have.” Wade released Peter’s hand. He looked down into the hazel and smiled, lifting his mask to show it off to Peter.

“That means… a lot to me.” Peter touched the bumpy skin, thumb trailing over dried lips. He knew the look Wade had, beneath the mask, he knew that his eyes were screaming for affection. He’d never felt quite the way he did in that instant. Never before in his entire life. His body screamed for Wade, every inch of him. He had to show the man love.

Of course Wade’s flirtatious attitude didn’t help much. The merc’s instincts took over and his lips opened, enough that Peter’s thumb dipped in and felt the moist heat of his tongue. It startled him. His gut churned, his heartbeat quickened, and he felt himself becoming even more willing to slip. It was like what happened when his senses tingled. He tugged his hand away, head shifted down to stare at the sidewalk.

“Yea, home.” Peter nodded, darted glances moved from Wade to the ground. He tugged hard on his lower lip on their silent walk home. He had hoped the pain would distract him from all that was happening between them, but it did no such thing. If anything it only increased the rampant thoughts that plagued his mind. Thoughts that devoured him. Fantasies that corrupted him and every fiber of his being.

 

“You ok, kiddo?” Steve’s voice ripped into Peter, tearing him from the daydream he was so content with being distracted by.

“Hm? Yea, I’m good.” He nodded to Steve, looking about the room. They were all sitting at the bar, eating. He hadn’t even remembered sitting down, or getting to the tower even.

“You looked like you were getting lost in that brain of yours.” Tony waved his fork in the air at Peter.

“I was just…” Peter’s eyes shifted to Wade. “Thinking about something.” His lips curled into a smile. It was coy, and beckoning.

“Mhm.” Steve chuckled, folding the lid of his styrofoam tray closed. “Well, I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m going to go relax and watch some Television.”

“I think I’ll join you, if you don’t mind.”

“Tony, the last time you and I watched TV together -”

“I’ll let you pick, fine!” Tony groaned, following Steve out of the room.

 

The room fell silent. Peter kept his eyes down on his tray of food. He was more afraid of showing too much want in his eyes than anything else. He wanted Wade, badly. He would have had him then and there if he had any choice in the matter. The worst thing about it all was that he didn’t know why he craved him so badly. Something in him had been stirred and woken by Wade’s submission. If he could call it that.

It wasn’t like the man suddenly became a weak little puppy. No, it was subtle. It was that his entire behavior was calling out and needing something or someone to support it. Like someone who’d been fighting for too long, and couldn’t fight on their own. Not that he was incapable, simply tired. It was, assumingly so to Peter, what had made his heart race. He’d never imagined it being _that_ way with Wade. He tried hard to not think about it, about what would happen if they achieved that type of connection.

Of course it wasn’t repulsion that drove the thoughts to the corner of his mind. He just couldn’t imagine Wade _like that_. It didn’t seem - normal to his character. Wade was always so loud and outgoing, confident and cocky, pushy and controlling. But people are notorious for becoming the exact opposite of who they appear to be, when called into the bedroom. It wasn’t too far a stretch to assume that Wade was exactly like that.

“Hey.” Wade’s hushed voice called into the room, forcing Peter to look up at him with ease. Damn his instincts.

“Hey.” He nodded back to Wade, struggling to keep some type of confidence.

“You want to have that little chat?” [Of course he does.] **Seriously, I think he’s been fantasizing about fucking us this entire time.**

“Shut up! Baby boi doesn’t have nasty thoughts like we do! He’s a saint!”

“I’m no saint, Wade.” Peter laughed, closing the lid to his food. He reached his hand over the bar towards Wade.

“You are to meeeeeee.” Wade puffed out his lips. He had kept the mask on, even then, only up enough so he could freely eat.

“Heh,” peter laughed, bringing his eyes up to Wade’s gaze. “Take the mask off.”

“Peter,” Wade sighed. “We’ve been over this.”

“Take it off.” Peter’s voice shifted. It was deeper, not in tone, but resonation. It held more conviction than he usually had. It was not a question, by any means. It was a command.

“But-”

“Take off the mask, Wade.” His entire demeanor was adjusted to match and counter what Wade needed.

[The fuck this confidence come from?] **That’s a great question, and I want to know, but it’s also insanely fucking sexy.**

“Ugh, shut up! It’s not sexy that he’s out dominating me!”

“Yes it is.” Peter’s usual innocent smile was gone, and all he granted Wade with was a confident smirk.

[Yea, that’s sexy af!] **Oh. My. God.**

“Stop!!!!” Wade tucked his face into his hands. He wasn’t hidden enough even with the mask covering him.

“I’m not asking, Wade. Take it off. Now.” Peter stood, arms crossed. “You’ve got until the count of-” He stopped short, looking over Wade as he placed the mask down on the black marble. “Good boy.”

Wade’s brown eyes shifted down to stare at the floor. His face was flushed red, and it made Peter want to giggle. [Chuckle. Boys don’t giggle.] **That’s sexist.** {You can both fuck off :D} [Dick….] **We should play nice, he does control if we get laid or not.**

He was submissive, in every aspect of the word. The merc had taken on a different character and allowed a weakness to show. If there ever was a more intimate form of love, he’d never known it in all his life.

Peter smiled, something loving and genuine. He opened his lips, wanting to speak, wanting to draw Wade into him, to beg him to open up more. But it wasn’t what Wade needed. Asking, no. He needed to be controlled and told what to do.

“Come with me.” Peter left the room, hearing soft and nearly silent steps behind him. Wade followed him like the good dog he was. [Hah, dog.] **Bork bork?**

“Sit on the bed.” Peter pointed to it, closing the door. “And strip down to your boxers.”

“Uhm, Peter I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Did I ask what you thought?” His hazel eyes looked back to Wade. There was no joke in his face, no game to be played. He was completely serious.

“No…” Wade pouted, lower lip puffing out heavily. Even his inner skin seemed to be somewhat scarred.

“Then do as I say, and strip.” Peter turned his back to Wade and disappeared into the bathroom for a moment. Wade followed the command, leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor.

[What’s he planning? This is weird, he’s so… confident.] **If he expects us to bend over for him, he’s absolutely correct in his assumption.** He lied down on the bed, legs bent and open. He was looking more for comfortability than sexual appeal. 

“Oh god, no… He can’t… does he think… Does he want to sleep with me?!” Wade called out, wide eyed. [Of course he wants to fuck us.] **Why, we’re ugly af. That guy, Mark or whatever…. He’s cute. Why’d he fuck us when he could fuck that?**

“This is sooooo bad.” Wade covered his face with his hands, ignoring the creaking door. Peter came back into the room. Wade even ignored the bed shifting around as Peter crawled up to him. The pressure against his groin was the only thing that was enough to stir some of his attention. It wasn’t pleasurable, but it wasn't bothersome, it was just Peter - sitting between his legs.

“Wh-what are you doing baby boi?” Wade’s voice broke as he spoke, fingers splitting so he could see Peter’s cocky smirk. When his eyes fell over Peter’s perfect face, he squinted his eyes shut, collapsing his hands even tighter over his face.

“Nothing.” Peter chuckled into the air. He grabbed Wade’s legs and lifted them, placing them over his shoulders. His hands moved, grabbing the edge of Wade’s boxers. He tugged a little, beckoning for Wade to comply and lift his hips.

“P-Peter? Seriously - what are you doing?” Wade’s hands shifted, grabbing onto the sheets. He wasn’t able to bring his eyes to Peter.

“Giving you what you need baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the small bits of romance in this chapter! I'm thinking about writing some hardcore long smut in the next chapter but idk yet... This was honestly a battle to get out! So in short, it might be a while until my next update, I'm sorry!


	5. You're as Fluffy as a Teddy Bear. And I Mean That Like a Fanfiction Sub Genre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No ones on top.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are errors I apologize... don't proof at 3 am XD

Wade could hardly accept the situation, he was barely even capable of really understanding exactly what was happening. All he’d managed to gather was that Peter’s behavior had massively shifted. The once shy and timid body he’d usually offered was demanding and commanding, directing the merc to his knees, in a non literal way. Wade could tell he was slipping. His confident charade was being torn to shreds under Peter’s sudden found confidence. The man was faced with two options, give in, or fight. 

 

Neither seemed like a viable solution to the sticky and hot mess he’d found himself in. 

 

He wasn’t complaining, though. It was indeed everything he’d ever wanted, and that was more than obvious to Peter, especially the way Wade displayed (proudly so) how aroused he was by the idea of being vulnerable. He wasn’t one to show weakness, so being able to be so openly exposed to Peter was exhilarating, and somehow debilitating all at once. He was practically at a loss of how to display exactly what it was that he wanted from the hero - and vice versa.

Peter was confident, though, his job required him to be - but at the same time, he wasn’t. The Peter he was with Wade, and the Peter he was as Spider-Man, were  _ not _ the same Peter. They were two entirely different persona’s of him - and that was what made the situation so sticky. He needed to tap into the aggressive crime fighting, smart mouth, hero - for Wade, of  _ all  _ people. 

The idea alone was driving Peter insane. He was good at faking though, enough so that Wade, sprawled out on the bed, following Peter’s commands, hadn’t seemed to even notice the slight waver in confidence Peter had. As soon as the teen felt himself slipping in behavior, he’d adjust and reassert his dominance. 

He pressed into Wade, watching as scared lips opened and eked out what he could only assume was meant to be a moan - but a very pitiful attempt at one. He wasn’t entirely certain that Wade was comfortable with the situation. Things had indeed become rather awkward in the span of one day - though the romance had been building for some time. It all came crashing down in a hot flash wave of lava and he wasn’t sure if the merc was really over Vanessa. 

“Do you want me to stop?” His voice was so rough and raspy. He  _ wanted _ , he  _ lusted _ after Wade. He’d played games and denied himself for so long he was noticeably having a hard time controlling himself. 

“N-No…” Wade’s whisper was a feeble and weak excuse for language. It was something Peter had barely even heard, so panting and airy. 

But it was enough to instill even more confidence into Peter, though he hadn’t really had a lot in all reality. He was  _ nervous _ . Beyond belief. He was so insecure with pushing that type of intimacy on Wade - and he’d known of the pegging thing that had happened between Wade and Vanessa - and known that it wasn’t entirely to Wade’s liking. But the way Peter was leading in, Wade should have assumed that the young man was - going to top. 

“Are you sure?” His hands ran up Wade’s naked chest, taking in every scar, every ripple or flesh, every torn bit of skin. 

“Yes.” His voice was more confident than Peter’s. He’d known that the way things were going - would eventually change. Peter didn’t have the ability to out dominate Wade. Not that Wade really needed  _ that _ type of domination. It was more vulnerability he was looking for. He needed reassurance that being vulnerable was a  _ good _ thing. Vanessa had made him so jaded and guarded. Peter had to undo what had been done. 

He knew, without a doubt, that Wade was convinced that letting someone else in, truly letting them in, would only end up in him yet again hurting. He’d faced too much hurt to open up and get hurt all over again, and Peter understood that. 

“I want you.” Wade muttered the words, not sounding at all as confident as he had only a few moments before. His hand pawed through the air and caught Peter’s shoulder. Fingers gripped at tight flesh, holding him in place. The young man’s eyes scanned over every inch of his naked counterpart. A smirk, so subtle and defiant, lifted to his lips. Wade had slung an arm over his head, hiding his eyes from Peter. Hiding. 

“Move your arm.” Peter grabbed Wade’s arm, forcing it down. His hazel eyes scanned over Wade’s deep brown gaze. He saw so deep into the man’s eyes it ached his soul. Wade had been through far too much. 

“Say it again.” Peter’s confidence was gone. Something about his voice was uneasy, needy, and desperate to hear Wade. 

“I want you.” The man didn’t hesitate. Hand cupped on Peter’s cheek, eyes staring him down too hard for the teens own good. “I want you. I want you. I. Want. You.” He couldn’t say it enough. His heart raced and slammed so hard in his chest he knew that Peter could  _ hear _ it. The anxiety that drenched his every word, the torment that haunted his every thought, the need that ached his body. 

“Again.” Peter’s breath staggered as his body shifted, the butterflies in his belly were making him joyfully nauseous. “Say, again. Please.” He pressed into Wade, spilling his hot breath over the man’s shoulder. 

“I want you.” Wade said the words with so much conviction that Peter believed, in that moment, that the only thing that Wade wanted, was in fact, him. 

“Wade…” Dry lips were coated with a hot and wet tongue, whispers filled the room with such lust that they were both about to suffocate in a hormonal rage. Peter shifted back, eyes scanning up and down Wade’s face, lips to eyes, lips to eyes. They were too close, so close, the smell of chinese food still lingered. Sweet and sour - tangy. 

Peter’s breath was fast, short, sharp darting gasps of air. It had something to do with how Wade kept shifting around under him, half hard, half desperate, half wanting to stop, half everything and anything all at one critical point in time. 

“Fuck me.” Saying it took so much courage from Peter that he shot his eyes away from the man in a hot flash, too afraid of another rejection. 

“Wh-what?” Wade was flustered by it. It wasn’t, not even remotely at all, close to what he was expecting Peter to say. He’d known - or rather  _ hoped _ that it would be something similar to that. He had, however, not expected  _ quite _ that language from Peter. 

But the uneasy nature of the teen was something he found incredibly attractive. Seeing the boy so flustered and nervous, twitching and looking for anything stable to get his hands on, to somehow stop the room from spinning. It was something that kicked Wade’s domination into overdrive. 

Without thinking, he had Peter pinned on his back. It had taken Peter by surprise just as much as Wade. He’d stared up at the merc with wide, shaking eyes. But they weren’t shaking from fear, but from desperate arousal, and want. His legs churned together, hips shaking as he fought off the urge to open up to Wade. He wanted the roles reversed, he wanted Wade between his legs, pressing in and rolling against him, making him scream so loud that Steve and Tony would yell at them. 

He flushed red at the thought, turning his head to the side in a sad attempt to hide. He was caught by Wade’s guiding hand. The man forced Peter to look back up at him. He was so  _ vulnerable. _ Naked and exposed, raw skin, scarred and blistered. He’d shown Peter his purest form, and seen that Peter was, in fact, attracted to him. He had, if even for a moment, realized that he was still something worth having. 

“Wade…” Peter’s voice pulled Wade from the thought of self worth. He found himself lost in hazel eyes, staring so deeply into Peter’s eyes that nothing could tear him from the moment they were sharing. 

“Peter… I need to tell you something.” He leaned into the young man, so close that Peter could smell the chinese on his breath again. 

“Y-yea?” Peter gulped, expecting something romantically vulgar, because it was Deadpool, after all. 

“This morning,” Wade paused, taking in a deep breath. “I - I had an anxiety attack because of Vanessa.”

“Oh?” Peter’s head dipped to the side, eyes softening as he fended off tears. He wasn’t over her, he thought. 

“Because I realized she never loved me the way you do.” 

“What?” His eyes shifted back to Wade’s gaze, shaking as the man continued to pour out words. 

“She wanted to change parts of me… Not like you. You… you accept me, even as this ugly terrible monster of a person.” He turned his head a bit, looking to the side, “I don’t deserve you.” He brought his stare back to Peter, looking like an abandoned lost puppy.

Peter’s hand grabbed at Wade’s neck, pulling him down. He led with his tongue, forcing Wade to give him a taste of his flawless flavor. 

“I will always love you the way that you are.” 

“That’s…” Wade stopped, staring down at Peter. He’d never seen so much innocence in his life. “That’s a big thing to say, Peter.”

“You don’t have to say it back, Wade.” Peter gave him a side smile, pulling him in again. “But you have to kiss me, now.” The rush and tingle he felt in his belly as his lips met with Wade’s was hard to ignore. So much so that he felt himself going in for more, slowly becoming addicted to the strange sensation. He never wanted to lose that feeling, the rush and anticipation, the tingle while being kissed, while exploring the taste of another person, savoring it with such delight. 

“Are you sure, you’re ready for this?” Wade huffed, leaning in to taste Peter’s neck. 

“Yes.” He nodded, chest heaving as he became more and more breathless in the moment. Hands, soft and delicate, moved against injured skin, holding tight to flesh he knew would always heal. “Please, Wade. I need you. I want you.” 

Wade’s hands couldn’t be denied their desire to go trailing over every inch of Peter. Though the teen was still clothed, wearing a black and white t-shirt and boxers, Wade found his way around those articles of fabric.

“Ah,” Peter let out a whimper. Wade smirked at it, licking and biting at tight abdominal muscles. He smiled through each kiss against Peter’s tight flesh, loving every second of the spiderling squirming beneath him, wishing and wanting more. Maybe a part of Wade wanted Peter to suffer, just a little. Maybe a part of him wanted to hear the boy  _ beg _ . 

Peter wasn’t sure where to put his hands, wasn’t sure where to grab, what to do, where to direct himself. It was obvious to Wade. He watched as Peter’s hand moved from his face, to the sheets, to the pillow, back to his face, to hovering over Wade’s head, sometimes to Wade’s shoulders. That lack of knowledge was one of the things that kept making him smile against Peter’s skin as his mouth moved lower and lower. 

“Urgh…” Peter let out a groan, something somewhat sexual - lustful, but annoyed. He wasn’t getting exactly what he wanted, and it was frustrating to say the least. His hands had found a final resting place, over his face, muffling every noise and huff or pant that he’d offered so audibly only moments before. Two could play the torture game. 

Wade became much more compliant. His hands tugged and pulled away at the black boxer briefs that had so perfectly shown off every curve of Peter’s body. He flushed, forcing another smirk to Wade’s face. It was interesting, the moment was so sweet and romantic, but so lust filled and desperate. It was the perfect balance. 

“Wade.” Peter spoke through broken breaths, eyes shaking as he grabbed at Wade’s hands. 

“Baby boi?” It wasn’t taunting. Not in the slightest. He was  _ concerned _ . So very much concerned that it was too much, too fast, too soon. Too anything for them. 

“Don’t… don’t stop… but…” Peter tore his stare from Wade, looking off to the side, taking in a deep, deep breath. “Please… be… gentle.” He brought his hazel stare back to Wade. There was so much fear in his eyes that Wade felt a piece of himself die. 

“Baby boi,” Wade brought his hand to Peter’s face, thumb stroking over the perfectly taut skin. “If you need more time for this - you will have it. We don’t have to do this yet… It might be too much.” His thumb kept moving against the smooth skin, savoring every second of the touch, the affection. 

“No.” Peter clung to Wade’s hand, pressing his cheek into the tender touch. “I want to.” He pressed harder against Wade’s hand, eyes shifting back up to peer into deep brown eyes. “I really do.” 

“It’s not about wanting to, it’s about feeling if it’s right. This is..” Wade smiled, looking over Peter. “This is important. You’re not like the other’s… I want it to be special.” 

“Really? I feel like a tease if I stop you…” Peter let out another whimper. 

“Peter…” The man gave a rumbling laugh, shaking his head. “You’re worth every second.” 

“You’re as fluffy as a teddy bear.” Peter nuzzled further into Wade’s hand.

“I’m as fluffy as a fanfiction.” 

“A what?” Peter pulled back, brow lifted in confusion.

“Nothing.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF <3 
> 
> I don't write fluff enough ^_^  
> This might be the end... idk


	6. Merc with a... mouth?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Longing and wanting and lustful desires are a toxic mix.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a tease, and I apolgoize

“I’ll be right back.” Wade slid off the bed and disappeared behind the stark white door to the bathroom. He hunched over the counter, staring at his scared body in the mirror. His eyes stayed on his reflection for only a moment before he forced himself to look away. His body was ugly and riddled with blotches. ‘ 

**How do we expect him to want to love us?** [Hate admitting it, but you’re right - look at this ugly piece of shit we’ve become.] 

“Shut up.” Wade let out a groan, dropping his head to the cold marble counter. He had planned on taking care of “business” since Peter wasn’t really ready for that type of commitment. But looking over his body had taken away all of the arousal he’d had. 

“Wade?” Peter called into the room, a flat hand moving down the white panes of wood as he spoke. “Wade, are you ok?” 

“Yea!” He forced his voice to sound more cheerful than he really way. His eyes stared down at swirls of black and white marble. The shifting of the door handle came in and he darted towards the shower, fingers fumbling against the dial pad to set the heat. 

“Wade?” 

“Just gonna shower.” He called back to Peter, refusing to turn around and look at the teen. He kept his shoulders as still as possible, clutching the glass door for added stability. 

“Wade…” Peter stepped into him, wrapping his arms beneath Wade’s, holding him by his chest. “I know you’re upset.” 

“No, I’m fine!” Wade’s voice - his ability to lie - it worried Peter, he sounded so honest, and had he been in the suit, Peter wasn’t sure if he would have known if he genuinely meant it. But seeing him the way he was then, the way he grabbed at Peter’s hand over his chest, so clutching like, it was the only sign he needed that Wade was really desperate for anyone to show him affection. 

“Turn around.” Peter’s hands slipped down to Wade’s belly, and the man turned back just enough to look at Peter’s hazel eyes. 

“Hm?” He plastered a grin onto his face. Had he any eyebrows they would have been lifted with the eagerness of his fake smile. 

“Don’t lie to me. You can do anything else, but don’t you  _ dare _ lie to me.” Peter’s hands shifted to force Wade around, so he could look up at him, stare into his eyes. “Don’t you fucking da-”

“I’m ok.” 

“What did I just say!?” Peter glared up at him, the twinkling in the brown green turning something fierce and firey. 

“I’m fine! Really!” 

“Wade Winston!” 

“Peter Benjamin!” 

“WADE WINSTON WILSON!” Peter grabbed at his back, digging his nails in a bit at the tension they’d made. 

“Parker.” Wade jerked up against him as the surge of wanted pain spread down his spine. His lips cracked into a smirk as he leaned his head down. 

Peter shifted, gulping on instinct as Wade grew closer. He tried to step back, but his legs refused to move, so he leaned, leaned until he felt himself hit the corner of the wall. His hips were in, back arched hard, hands clutched against Wade’s rippled skin. 

“W-wade…” Peter’s voice lost all the confidence in a matter of seconds. Whenever Wade went “full throttle” it was guaranteed that Peter would side step and lose himself in the big doe eyes. 

“I’m fine.” The merc pulled back, releasing the hand he’d placed at the small of Peter’s back as a smile stretched over his face. 

“Why are you lying?” Peter adjust himself, stepping back up against the wall. Though his head had been pressed against it, he’d honestly forgotten how close he was to it. 

“I’m not.” 

Peter kept his unamused face on Wade’s, blank eyes staring him over, waiting for the repentance of the lie. His arms crossed, and his hip made a small pop to the side, head leaning down, eye’s wide. 

“I’m not lying. I’m fine.” Wade crossed his arms, opening his legs to shoulder width. He kept his eyes down on Peter’s, the stupid cocky smile still there. 

“Fine.” Peter let his arms fall, turning away from Wade and taking only one step towards the door before being tugged back into Wade’s chest. 

“What the-”

“I’m horny.” Wade mumbled into Peter’s hair, covering the teens ear with his steaming hot breath. “Don’t read too much into it.” 

“I know that’s not it.” 

“Yes it is!” Wade’s arms wrapped under Peter’s, like before, holding him in by the small of his back. The tension of skin against skin forced the spider kid to lift to his toes. His head shifted back and he looked up Wade. His hands had moved up Wade’s arms, to his shoulders, and they clutched at his skin, knuckles white from want. 

“N-No.” Peter shook his head, fighting off his uneasy breath. “It’s definitely not.” He forced more confidence to his wavering voice. 

“You sure?” He glanced down at his nude self, an ever more devious smirk raising. The twinkle in his eyes was darkening into something lustfully sinister. 

“Wade!” Peter squirmed against him. Wade knew by the lack of effort that Peter was playing games. He pushed towards Peter, up against him, harder than before. He heard the breath catch in the teens throat and watched as his face went red from embarrassment. 

Peter choked out what Wade would have called a muffled grunt, almost like a moan but not quite. There was no denying it was arousing, watching him lose even more confidence, being rendered ‘helpless’ beneath Wade’s strength. 

The moment took a quick turn as Wade shifted between Peter’s legs, rubbing against his naked body. The teen gave another breathy gasp, head turning as his cheeks made it to another shade of red. His nails dug into Wade’s skin, teeth clenched hard on soft skin, tearing at pink flesh. 

“Calm down,” Wade’s voice whispered over Peter’s ear. He felt the shudder of Peter beneath him as his hand moved from the small of Peter’s back to his ass. Wade pulled him up around his waist, pressing him hard into the wall. 

Peter grunted at the agression, still clawing at Wade’s back as his hips started to move against the man. He felt the tingle, the sensation of Wade pressing against him, but not in him. He wanted it - somehow - even though he’d backed out just before. The heat of the room, the passion in Wade’s voice, the smell of the air - it made him want to just lie down and take it. 

The breathy noises coming from the broken voice of his counterpart was enough to make Wade lose control - just for a second. He pressed up against Peter, listening to the squeak he made as his hand slipped around and planted a firm smack against the teens tight skin. He grabbed it with a strong grip just after, repeating the motion to get a jerk from Peter, and another breathy gasp at the contact. 

Peter’s voice was dripping with lust. Wade leaned in, again, pulling Peter’s cheeks open, giving himself more room to rub, pressing between the teens legs. He got another groan, and it only fueled his lust to tear into Peter’s soft body. 

Nails tore into flesh, forcing Wade to grunt against Peter’s exposed neck, forcing his voice to sound wanting and lustful to the desperate teen. Wade hadn’t noticed it until then, but Peter’s legs had locked around his waist, giving Wade nearly full access to his undercarriage. 

**Why are we not** **_in_ ** **him yet?** [So hot, so hot, sooooooo hot!]

 

“Peter,” Wade’s whisper forced some of Peter’s conscience to the surface of his glazed eyes. He had a moment of hesitation. His breath sped, and he looked at Wade with wide eyes, like he’d suddenly realized what was happening. 

“Wh-”

“I can’t… only if you’re ready - don’t tease me - not like _ this. _ ” Having been aroused once and not getting any was one thing, but if Peter kept halfway starting something he wasn’t able to finish, Wade was going to lose it. More than he already had. 

Peter shuddered against Wade’s hot breath, rolling his hips against the man, hoping it was enough of an answer and he could avoid speaking anything too vulgar - though he wanted to. The words taunted at his tongue, wondering how Wade would feel if he suddenly blurted something perverted out into the room. He imagined Wade would pull back to look at him with a lifted brow, a gentle smirk cranking into something villain like. 

“Peter -” 

Clearly he was wrong thinking his returned physical attraction was going to be enough for Wade to take a hint. He rolled against him again, twerking his hips enough that he could feel all of Wade’s length between his wide spread cheeks. He peeked open through half lidded eyes to see the wide eyed look of a brown gaze staring back at him.  

Peter wasn’t entirely sure if he was ready for it, he knew he wanted it, but being ready and wanting something were two different things. But he also wasn’t prepared to stop Wade from doing anything and everything he wanted, no matter how much damage it could have possibly done to his virgin body. 

“Why are you teasing me?” Wade grumbled against Peter’s ear, biting at the soft flesh of his neck, a little rougher than he meant to. But the whimper Peter gave, turning his head to expose the weak spot, made it all too much to ignore. His teeth dug into the flesh, leaving a heavy red mark. The way Peter squirmed at the pain, arms wrapping hard around Wade’s neck and shoulders, the way he bit at his lip to muffle the severely lecherous grunt. 

Wade’s shoulders convulsed, and he did his best to maintain a facade of confidence though he was buckling under the pressure in the room. Steam billowed from the shower set too high, creating a thick hot fog. Their bodies were sticky and wet from the sauna like atmosphere, forcing skin to stick to skin. 

“I’m not-” Peter let out a huff, rolling his hips against Wade again. “I’m not teasing you.” He wanted to say something more, something more wanting and desiring, something that would rouse Wade to the edge, and make him really lose control. 

“That’s exactly - you..” Wade let out a groan, tearing into Peter’s neck again. He heard the muffled squeak let out of tight lungs. 

“I’m not -” Peter took in a breath, trying to even his voice. “I’m not - stopping you, am I?” His eyes shifted to Wade’s for a moment, barely open, barely displaying the hazel. 

“Don’t - baby boi - you’re gonna turn my nutsack blue.” Wade growled against Peter’s collar bone, desperately trying to ignore the slight trickle of moisture he felt dripping out. 

Peter pulled his lip in, just the corner, opening his mouth to let out a slightly forced but more audible moan than anything up until that point. 

“Stop it, Peter.” Wade grunted into him, huffing hot breath down the teens toned torso. He kept his head ducked down, trying hard not to ravage the boy.  **That makes him sound childish, doesn’t it?** [He  _ is _ 17\. He  _ is _ a child. We’re a pedophile… dear sweet baby jesus.]  **This author, along with us, is going to burn in hell.**

“Wade…” Peter moaned, shifting himself further onto Wade’s body, forcing the liquid squeezing to freedom from Wade’s dick between his cheeks. “Don’t make me beg.” 

“I thought-” he huffed, still fighting back against his hormones. “I thought you weren’t ready-” He let out a pained noise, something like a whimper but with too much lust behind it. 

“I want you in me.” Peter mumbled, turning his head into his shoulder, trying to hide the embarrassment that he could say such a thing. 

“You what?” Wade pulled back, eyes shifting up to see Peter’s red face, the sweat, hot breath pouring out of slightly parted lips. His shoulders were raised in submission, he was holding himself open, doe eyes looking right across at Wade. 

“I… I want to feel you.” He mumbled again, closing his eyes as an escape from the humiliation. “I want you in me so bad.” He huffed, trying to let go of his control, trying to fall prey to the moment. 

“Baby boi-” 

“Please, Wade.” He shifted his hands up to Wade’s head, holding him, guiding his head for a kiss. Peter rested against the wall, feeling Wade’s aggression finally kicking in. His legs went a little lax as his body was forced hard into the wall by Wade’s tough. His eyes peeked to see Wade’s tender face. He’d never seen him so - at peace. He wondered if the boxes were screaming - or if they were silent - wondered if Wade was focusing on just him. 

He assumed that Wade was, when his hands shifted up Peter’s sides, grabbing his hand, pinning him into the wall harder than before. Soft pink lips parted from the kiss to let out a soft moan, hazel eyes locked onto brown, smoldering with desire. Wade took a breath, shifting himself so he could feel Peter’s tightness. He lacked the things he needed to make the moment as sensual as he wanted. 

He knew that Peter had never attempted anything like what was happening. Without proper lubrication - it was hard to say the damage he could do. Sure Peter would heal, Wade knew that, but that didn’t mean he wanted to hurt him. He wanted it to be sweet, romantic, something wonderful, something Peter would always cherish. 

“What’s wrong?” Peter’s voice broke into the somewhat silent air, the only sound was the rushing water which Wade hadn’t turned off. 

“Its gonna hurt.” 

“I know.” Peter looked over Wade’s face, watching as the muscles twisted to pull the scarred skin into a worried pose. 

“I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“I’ll be ok.” Peter’s hands tugged at Wade’s grip. It was awkward to be posed that way with the way they were talking. “I want this, Wade. I want you. Please. I.. I love you.” 

 

Wade’s face widened, his mouth dropping. Peter had said it before, but he hadn’t meant it the way he meant it then, in the bathroom, naked with Wade between his legs. And the merc was in complete shock at how freely the words fell from such perfect lips, and the way Peter kept his eyes on his. The young man was taking him at face value - accepting him for who he was, and loving every bit of brokenness that Wade had. 

Every scar, visible and hidden, Peter looked at like a piece of perfection, and hearing the words fall from his lips, in such a whisper, just a small tone of voice - rendered the man silent. A strange thing for the merc with a mouth. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're gonna have the sexuals soon I promise


	7. Your Mouth Belongs in the Toilet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timing is essential for everyone. But the most essential thing is understanding, and communication. When you want one thing, and they want something else - the worlds align, or perhaps collide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ~~apologize~~ for being so "active" in this chapter.

Morning light spilled into the room, forcing a squint to both Peter and Wade’s eyes. The rays were too focused for either to ignore, and both their delicate eyes peeled open. Wade gave Peter a long look, a soft smile cascading across his lips. He couldn’t remember everything that had happened - which was interesting considering he had no excuse not to know what had happened.

“Morning.” Peter’s voice was laced with a groan. It came out muffled as his hands moved to rub over his eyes.

“Hey.” Wade’s smile widened, hands reaching out for an early morning hug from his new… something? [Can we call him our boyfriend?] **Is he? Like we did** **_stuff_ ** **and all but we never actually asked…** [‘Sides, the author hates reading ‘boyfriend’ in fics so I highly doubt he wants us to-]

“What would you call our relationship, Wade?” Peter nuzzled his face up against Wade’s somehow soft but blotchy chest.

“I… I’m not sure? Lovers? Friends with benefits? I’m honestly… I don’t know.” Wade craned his neck to look down at Peter.

“Well… If people ask… can I say you’re my boyfriend?” Peter’s eyes shifted to the distance, he wasn’t prepared for a rejection, and he gave a meager attempt to convince himself, as well as Wade, that regardless of the answer he’d be _just fine_.

“Am I… your boyfriend? I don’t remember agreeing to that.” Wade’s lips curled into a smirk, head pulling back even more so he could look down into Peter’s brilliantly hazel eyes.

“Oh. My. God.” Peter’s eyes narrowed up at Wade’s, his scowl couldn’t have been any more obvious. “Don’t you dare.”

“What?!” He laughed. “I’m just saying, we aren’t _technically_ dating.” Wade’s playful grin took control of his eyes and the sparkle that danced in them was hard for Peter to ignore.

“ _I’m_ not asking _you_ out, so unless you want to say something super corny and generic I’m going to just assume-”

“Peter Parker, do you want to be my boyfriend?” Wade’s voice fell like morphine against Peter’s ears. He hadn’t expected to become so unhinged by the question, and had definitely not expected the tinge of his belly to be so overwhelming and wanted.

Something about the tone of Wade’s voice, and the way he held himself, how he fluctuated so many times but somehow stayed grounded, was inspiring. It was one of his many traits that Peter found so admirable.

“Yes.” His lips blurted the words out before he had actually been given the chance to really think about what he was agreeing to.

“Goodie!” **This means we get to slam bam thank you ma’am him - like whenever, right?”** [You idiot, he’s not a ma’am! So it’s gotta be more like slam dunk, thank you hunk.]

“He’s not really that hunk-ish, though.” Wade looked to the side, watching the box fade.

“Are you calling me scrawny?”

“What?!” Wade pulled back, looking Peter over. “As if it’d be a lie?! Look how _smol_ you are!” He cracked a smile, watching as Peter’s face contorted until it was sporting a painfully obvious and annoyed expression.

“Wade Wils-” Peter’s words were cut off by a tongue that didn’t belong, necessarily, in his mouth. Though Peter didn’t do much to stop the man pushing his way atop him from continuing on with the act. If anything, Peter pushed back with more want and desire than Wade had expected. It was rousing, and the morning was taking a turn Wade had not expected.

And the knock that came to the door was completely unwelcome.

 

“Are you fucking serious?!” Wade pulled back, leaning back onto the bed.

“Language!”

 

“Fuck my fucking lordy from mother fucking flordy, you son of a bitch cock sucking mother fucker!”

The door slid open. Wade’s face twisted into surprise with the expression Steve had. It was something he couldn’t have defined no matter the vocabulary he’d be given. It was impossible a task to render any form of understanding of the amount of anger and displeasure Steve felt in the moment Wade said, “Son of a bitch.”

“Don’t you _dare_ call my mother a bitch.” He’d never heard Steve’s already insanely deep voice sound so powerful and commanding. It was something that had quite literally rendered Wade into complete and utter silence.

“Jesus… Steve - he wasn’t serious.” Peter crawled out of the bed, moving towards Steve with soft and subtle steps. “It was just -”

“Don’t.” Steve held his hand up to Peter, his blue eyes still locked onto a terrified Deadpool. The merc just stared back.

“I’m - I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry.” He dropped his head, lips tugging to the side. “I didn’t mean it like that I just - say shit sometimes…” He took in a sharp breath. “I don’t think you’re mom was a bitch, Steve. I mean… if she was you think you’d have turned out to be such a… stand up… guy?” He wasn’t talking like himself, and it was awkward enough that the stern look on Steve’s face softened for a moment while he fended off a laugh.

“Deadpool- Wade…” He stepped into the room, arms crossing over his chest. “I know swearing is in your nature - but please…”

“No promises, Cap.” Wade gave a weak backwards and left handed salute to Steve, forcing a fake smile.

“What did you need, anyway?” Peter stepped up towards Steve, feeling the tension in the room had diminished enough.

“We’re meeting upstairs. Get dressed and be there in 5.”

“But I was about to get laid.” Wade’s voice twisted the words as he whimpered.

“Wade, I know Peter has more self respect than that. Get yourself ready and come up to the conference room. And by the way, romance the kid. He’s worth it.”

 

“The hell you think I’ve been doing the past 6 fucking months?!”

 

Steve disappeared around the edge of the door, his boots leaving an echo against the marble floors as he made his way towards the elevator.

Wade looked to Peter and then back towards the door, pulling his lip between his teeth as he struggled to find the words to say. His lack of self confidence, mixed with what was once more beginning to feel like a rejection, was a concoction that would likely drive him insane. **More so than we already are?** [Is that even possible?]

“Peter…” Wade did his best to disregard the disruptions of the boxes, and stretched his arm out to touch Peter’s hand. He caught sight of his blotched and scarred skin and pulled back into his chest, darting his eyes from Peters.

“Wade?” Peter grabbed at Wade’s hand before it made a full retreat, tucking his face into it. “I love you, you know that.”

“I know…” Wade shifted his stare, looking up at Peter for just a moment. His eyes pulled away once more movement came into play. He wanted to look, though, wanted to watch as Peter crawled up onto him, pushing him back just a bit, until he fell against the soft and lush pillows. They both assumed that Tony spared no expense in making everyone comfortable, rightfully so.

“Do you…” Peter had straddled him, eyes soft as they scanned over Wade’s chest. “Do you... “ He repeated, pulling his lips into a tight line, searching for the courage of Spider Man.

“Do I what?” **Come on, Wade, even** **_I_ ** **know he wants you to say you love him.** [Yea, and you’re an idiot, this is SUPER obvious.] Wade’s eyes widened as the boxes explanation of Peter’s needs were forced to the forefront of his mind.

“Do you… I mean… I love you.” Peter repeated, again, hoping Wade would get the hint, he didn’t want to ask, and he had a feeling that Wade liked him, but love was different.

“Peter…” Wade’s lips curled, a soft and serene smile. “I love you more than you can possibly imagine.”

“Really?” It was shocking to hear. Not because he didn’t know, but because of the voice that spoke the words. Peter had come to like and love every part of Wade, mouth and all. His _mouth_ was one of the things that Peter had become so accustomed to hear being so vulgarly repulsive, that hearing him utter such soft and sweet words, filled with innocence and infatuation, it was a hard thing to adjust to. And even though the sounds made his heart flutter and his stomach churn, he still had the looming feeling that it was all going to fall apart.

He knew Wade was “safe” enough with him - he couldn’t die, and that was a great thing, but he still worried about emotional trauma.

“I’m not invincible…” Peter mumbled, shifting his weight over Wade’s body, relaxing a bit.

“I know.” Wade laughed, running his hands down Peter’s arms, lacing their fingers once they met.

“I… I don’t want you to get hurt…” Before Wade could speak, Peter held his finger to the merc’s mouth. “I know you technically can’t die… but… **I** can… and this… thing we’re doing, as _badly_ as I want it  - I can’t hurt you. I can’t see someone I care about going down a path that will destroy them.”

Peter took in a sharp breath, letting his finger fall from Wade’s lips. “I love you, though. Please don’t ever think it’s because I don’t love you. I love you so much, too much. I can’t… this can’t… it just can’t happen. I can’t know that one day I might go out there and die - and I know what will happen to you. That’s why-” **He said ‘yes’ though.** [But this is thought out…]

“That may be the sweetest rejection I’ve ever heard.” Wade turned his head from Peter, pushing his hips to direct the spider-ling off. “And the worst part is that I totally get it.” He stood up, pulling on a pair of jeans from the night before. “You do you, and I’ll do me.” With a quick tug he pulled a shirt on, gave a glance back to Peter, forced a smile, and left.

He had no place at the tower. He was always just there for Peter.

 

“Unlovable monstrosity.” Wade chuckled, moving into the elevator. “J, I’m heading out for good.”

“I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t miss you. The Avengers will be different without your presence. You will be greatly missed my Dope Ass Prince.”

“Not enough, and not by the one that matters most.” The elevator came to the ground floor and Wade stepped out. His hands rummaged into the depths of his pockets. It took every ounce of control in him not to look back at the tower, not to look up to ‘their’ room.

“How is it… that we can both love each other, and it doesn’t work out?” He laughed, shaking his head. “How is it?” He stopped.

Cracking, he was cracking under it all. He was cracking under the pressure of the Avengers, of Steve, of Peter’s returned and denied affection, under his own insanity, under his emotional trauma, under everything.

He forced his legs to move. It took so much focus to just walk, to just keep his head facing forward, to know that Peter was looking down at him, watching as he walked away. He didn’t want to, it was obvious, but he hated himself too much to force or beg, or plead, because he believed he never deserved Peter.

And the worst of it really was that he understood exactly where Peter was coming from. He was absolutely right. Eventually, Peter would age, he could die, and Wade would likely become a raging lunatic and destroy everything and everyone with his broken heart bleeding in his own hand.

Pretending that everything would work out with fucking rainbows and goddamn butterflies wasn’t something he was prepared to do, no matter how wonderful the kool-aid tasted. He just couldn’t. He had to accept that Parker was right, he had to move passed his secondary failed attempt with the guy. It was ok. It had to be ok. **Then why does it feel like it’s not ok?** [Because authors write from life, and this guy’s got some crazy shit emotions, so we get to deal with it.]

“I get to be played out as this super emotional meat bag and I’m not fucking game.” **I like that we get to be somewhat human.** [We are human after all.]

“Fuck you. Fuck this author, fucking fuck everyone and every mother fucking thing that fucking fucks just to fuck shit in the fucking ass because life’s a fucking shit fest and I can’t even mother fucking die. And everyone can go fucking fuck themselves.”

 **Well…** [Don’t you get mad at us you fucker!]

“I’ll do whatever the fuck I please you little mother fucking shit heads! If I wanna go fucking murder some jackass mother fuckers I will!”

 **The author doesn’t want you to!** [He wants us to be happy… he just doesn’t know how to write us happy.]

“Happy, hah!” He threw his head back with the laugh, holding his chest. **I think he’s off the deep end….** [Nah, you think?] **Then again… how can the author write happy if he doesn’t know happy?**

“Daddy needs to express some **rage**.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of truth at the end there.


	8. Breaking The Cycle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade's raging leads to events that spiral out of control. And this time, there's no undo button.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH I AM SO FUCKING SORRY! I owe you all an apology for taking so long with this chapter. I don't really have any excuses of explanations... I just wasn't feeling it... I'm so sorry!!!

 

And rage he did. Nothing came even close to itching at the scratch just out of reach, though. Unusually so. No amount of blood drenching his hands could cure the heartache that absorbed his whole body. Peter had said yes, yet pulled back, just like always He’d been so convinced that he would be alone forever that even a new display of affection wouldn’t convince him he could ever be happy again. 

He thought for a brief moment about begging to Vanessa. Begging for her to take him back - but she’d already started to move on. As much as he tried to pretend he was angry with her for it, in reality he was happy she had found happiness. She deserved it, more than he ever did. 

He’d wished he’d not found out the way he did, though. Approaching your old apartment to find another man rummaging around in the bathroom, and seeing the woman you loved hugging him from behind - it was a painful sight. But then again, he knew he had no right to be upset by it. He’d moved on. Or he thought he had. 

Blood gushed out of the punctured eye beneath him, and splashed onto his face. He’d ignored the murmuring of the man under him. Assumptions that he’d said something along the lines of, “God, please, no!” had left remnants of noise in Deadpool’s ringing ears. The boxes had been silent since his “break up”  with Peter. He’d assumed it was because of the constant suicide attempts. He understood 99% of the mutation he’d had done to him, but he was still very much unaware of all the “damage” he could technically do. 

One wrong move, one little misdirection, and he’d entirely forget who he was, where he’d come from, why he looked the way he looked, that he’d ever loved-

**That’s brilliant!** [Let’s shoot ourselves in the head, through some long term memory and we’ll be like a clean fucking slate!] 

“That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.” The body beneath the red and black suited man spasmed to stillness. He looked down, letting out a faint sound of a disheartened nature and crawled off. 

**No, we can leave little messages to explain important parts - like why we look the way we do… and some contacts - but we could totally forget all about Parker this way!** [He doesn’t want to forget Parker though.]

“Yes I do.” He mumbled, heavy boots thudding against the ground as he marched away from the murder scene behind him. 

**Right… that’s why you haven’t taken down the photos of him yet, right?** [Shuddup! You’re gonna make him - shit-]

 

He fell to the ground with a hard splat. Most of the bones crunched, but the fall wasn’t enough to kill him, which meant he was in even more searing pain than usual. He couldn’t even breath - partly from the blood filling his lungs, but mostly because he just wanted to really die. 

Everything had fallen apart, and he really just wanted to stop existing forever. Not just a while, but forever. He thought, at first, that Peter would come for him, eventually. But it had been 3 months of non stop killing and the web-head hadn’t even remotely tried to contact him. Not even with a soft, ‘Please stop killing so many people’ texts. The first he’d expected. Then again, Wade was focusing on the scum of the scum. 

Sex trafficking had become a very prevalent issue, and Wade took liberty and pride in the fact that he was offing every single one of the bastards responsible. Well, he liked to think he was taking care of every single one, though in all reality a part of him knew that he was never going to be able to get to every single one of them. 

But he also presumed that was why Peter hadn’t asked him to stop. Though he knew the hero was probably upset by the fact Wade was killing, they were the kind of bad guys that needed to be killed, regardless of how much they begged for their lives at the end. 

It always got Wade thinking, how much did those people beg to just be let go. To just go home. To just hug the ones they loved? 

 

“Shit!” He groaned as his ribs snapped back into place, spine realigning with every pop and mend of the muscles and bones. “Shit, shit, shit, shit fuck… cocks!” He grabbed at his side, rolling over to see the cloudy sky. An attempt at a groan came as another flood of swearing came from his lips. The air was cold against his lips. The mask ripped. Wonderful. 

“Fuck me.” he brought his hands to his head, covering his eyes, trying to fend off thoughts of Peter, again. His mind kept wondering how he’d feel. How he  _ really _ felt about it all. Not just the murders, but how he felt about Wade, about the Avengers, about being a hero. 

**It’s not fair.** [Life rarely is.] 

“We tend to want the things we can’t have.” Wade chuckled, letting his arms flop, but keeping his eyes closed. A few more mended bones forced him to wince, but once again he was whole. “Can’t I just die?” 

 

“No.” 

 

He shot up at the sound of the voice, his eyes glaring hard into hazel, “The fuck you want, Parker?”  His body took the stance of a fighter in an instant. His walls were up, and no bulldozer could break them down. Not again. 

“Wade…” Peter reached out to him. He wasn’t even dressed like Spiderman. He was just himself. Brown locks blowing in the soft breeze, lips dark blue from the cold. “Please…” 

“Please what? What do you want.” He pushed passed him, nearly shoving him into the brownstone he’d just jumped off. 

“Wade, stop!” Peter reached out, grabbing Wade’s wrist. The intent of the touch was misinterpreted. Peter had never seen Wade move so quickly before then. He was up against the wall, lifted by his throat, before he even had time to blink. He clawed at the arm holding him there, kicking wildly as air was refused entrance to his lungs. 

‘Stay the fuck away from me!” Wade’s force loosened enough for Peter to let out a whimper. 

“P-pl-please!” He coughed, feeling the pressure go more and more lax as Wade realized what he was doing. 

He stepped back, looking over Peter. He tore the already ripped mask off his face and stepped into the teen. His eyes shook, glimmering a glazed look into the darkness of the city. The dim lights left screened overlays in his eyes. 

Wade was greeted with fear. Peter clung to the building, half jumping up it as Wade closed the space. 

“Leave me alone, Parker.”

“What… what the hell was that?!” Peter shrieked at him, tears falling down the sides of his face. “I fucking came here to apologize and... “ 

“You think an ‘I’m sorry’ is going to fucking fix this?!” He stumbled, reaching his fingers up to Peter. “Please - I don’t … I don’t know what fucking planet you think this is but -” 

“You choked me!” 

“I -” Wade chuckled, letting his hand fall back to his side. “Yea. I fucking did. For like 2 fucking seconds, because you’re pressing. And you need to stop.” 

“I gave you three months! I’ve left you alone for three freaking months!” Peter hopped off the wall, looking up at Wade, still crying.

He wanted to stay. He didn’t want to leave, but he knew he needed to. Wade wasn’t right. He wasn’t himself. Maybe it was the killing, he couldn’t be sure why he held so much rage within himself, but it wasn’t something he could be around. That much he knew. 

“I’m sorry.” Peter shook his head, “I have to go.” He wasn’t as prepared as he thought he was. He turned around, looking back at Wade. His eyes caught sight of the merc shaking his head as an angry smile lifted to his lips. 

“Peter-”

“I… I love you.” He kept his eyes on Wade’s for a moment before tugging his hood up to half hide himself. “I promise you that.” 

 

“Where’s my fucking gun?” Wade grabbed the thing.

“Wade, no!” Peter reached out to him but missed his arm. 

The merc held the barrel to his head, and gave a quick pull to the trigger. How he prayed when he woke he’d forget Peter. 

 

“He just shot himself in the head.” He heard Peter’s worried voice ringing through the air, and the faint sound of sirens in the distance, or was it close by? He couldn’t be sure. He tried to move his fingers, tried to open his eyes, tried to give them anything to understand he was there - partly. But nothing worked. He couldn’t move a muscle, couldn’t even feel his heart - which made sense. He  _ had _ shot himself. 

**We… are we actually legit dead?** [Impossible.] He was becoming less and less okay with his immobility. More to the fact that he had no way of expressing his coming around to consciousness - as well to the fact that **he couldn’t** **move**.

“Why would you go and shoot yourself?” Peter’s hand pressed against his chest, and if Wade could have smiled at the contact, he would have. The affection was short lived, and it hurt to feel the warmth disappear. He wanted to chase after it. He needed to chase after it, but he couldn’t. 

Healing was taking longer than usual. It was interesting. He’d never been immobilized for so long - even with cut off limbs. He wasn’t panicking, but he was concerned. **As long as Peter’s here we should be fine.** [I thought we were angry with him?] _I’m not angry perse but I’m definitely annoyed._ **Um…** [Why are… why are your thoughts…] _What?_ **You’re thoughts aren’t supposed to be visible… But I can see them.** [The fuck is going on?] _Shit, am I actually dying???? UNDO! UNDO! CTRL Z! I don’t want this!_

Peter reached his hand around Wade’s, clinging to it with a deathly tight grip that was close to breaking the bones and squishing the tendons. “Please wake up… it’s been three days…” 

_ Shit! I’ve been out for three days???? What the fuck is going on????  _ **Beats me.** [You might have damaged the portion of your brain that controls the memory to rebuild your body after damage.]  _ What? _ [It’s believed in some cases that you can actually die, on an emotional, and psychological level mostly but.... Memories are simply neurons firing off in the same order over and over. Once used enough, they turn into long term memories. If you happened to shoot the part of your brain that has been programmed to start the healing process - there’s no data for us to use to rebuild.]  _ Then I should be dead…. Right? _

**Obviously not…** [It’s hard to say. There could be other parts of the body that will start the healing process. It just might take more time.]  _ What’s Peter doing?  _ [I can’t fucking see him unless you- oh…]

Peter’s head rested onto Wade’s chest. He was still warm, though he wasn’t breathing, or really moving. It was so strange, he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t understand the science behind any of it. He should have been long dead. He was suffering from a major brain injury. Normally the bullet would have been pushed out, but he had to send Tony in after it. 

Nothing about it was normal. 

 

“Please….” Peter’s eyes opened as his fingers twirled with Wade’s. “Hate me forever if you have to… just wake up.” He spoke through sobs, trying hard to maintain some type of composure. It was too hard for him. 

“I wanted to tell you..” He whimpered, tucking his face into Wade’s stomach. “I wanted to tell you that night... that I was wrong…” He chewed at his lip, turning his head so he could see Wade’s rested face. 

“I needed to tell you… I was so scared you’d leave me… eventually. I was so scared because I’m such a dork, and you’re just so amazing at everything you do, and you are so outgoing and just don’t care about what people think, and I’m timid and - and - and… I just didn’t want to get close to anyone again… I don’t want to be hurt… I don’t want to hurt you. I didn’t mean to… I just… I don’t know. I don’t why I can’t… I just… Please, Wade, please wake up.” 

His fingers clung and clawed at Wade’s body until he worried he might cause actual damage. And with Wade’s sudden lack of healing factor it worried him that it would do lasting damage. 

“I love you. I love you so fucking much. You can’t leave me.” His face disappeared into the blankets that had Wade cloaked in warmth. “You can’t. You just… you can’t. You can’t. You can’t fucking do this to me. Please. Please. Please, Wade.” He let the tears out, loud and uncaring of any passerby who heard his desperate pleas. 

Peter felt as though part of him had died that day, when he’d sent Wade away. He wasn’t whole from that moment on. He was just a sack of meat and bones, feeling nothing but everything at once. Craving happiness, but finding it to be elusive and unclaimed. He wanted to go back in time, to fix it.

“Please wake up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet, just like me ;)
> 
> Lol, is he kidding? you'll never know muhahaha.


	9. V fib, or A fib? No fib?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade wakes up :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being a lot longer than expected...

 

Wade should have been panicking. In all reality, he should have been screaming his lungs out internally. But for some reason, he kept calm, focusing on Peter’s thumb running against his rippled skin at every sob that fell from his lips. His desperate pleas for Wade to wake from the slumber that had engulfed him were like lullabies to his broken mind. 

“Alright.” Tony’s voice slipped into the room. He stood in the door, looking over an unkempt Peter. The boy had allowed himself to go days without showering, a shave, brushing his teeth even. It was like he’d lost all sense of himself without Wade. Which was very disturbing to both Tony and Steve. 

“Any news?” Peter stood, still holding Wade’s stiffening body. Parker had done his best to keep Wade’s body loose. He stretched him every day, and had make believe conversations with Wade’s sleeping body about how suggestive some of the poses were. It was insanity at it’s most sane form. 

“Xavier’s on his way. I’m upset to say it took so long to finally convince him to go in after Wade’s conscious and see if he could yank him up.” Tony’s eyes were drawn to movement beyond the door. Peter watched as the worried expression came over his face. 

“What?” Peter moved again, his fingers still locked around Wade’s. Desperate hazel eyes stared across the room. He could feel the tears forming in his eyes. 

“Nothing.” Tony shook his head and turned away. Peter hadn’t the courage to leave Wade’s side. It was then that he realized how much he actually needed the man. His eyes scanned over Wade’s half living tissue, and the tears were unleashed. His face was soaked in a matter of seconds. Labored breathing accompanied whimpers that were unleashed as he lost concern of judgment. 

He had to wake up. He had to open his eyes. He had to be ok. There was no other option. Not for Peter, not for Wade. He had to be ok. No matter what. He would do anything he could to get Wade back. Anything. Even, “un-aliving” someone. 

Attempts at begging words fell from Peter’s shaking lips as his face buried its way to Wade’s chest. He took in a deep breath, trying to force his nerves to end their constant shaking. It was useless. Even as Wade’s scent filled his nose, and shot his mind back to memories of eating on building tops - he couldn’t shake the sense of emptiness. 

Without seeing the glint in Wade’s eyes, without seeing the gleaming light in his smile, or the way his eyes would water when he laughed so hard he could hardly breath, without hearing his cracking voice at Peter saying something not even remotely a joke - it was just a memory. And he needed the real thing. He had to have the real thing. 

Nothing would break him as much as Wade’s “death” had. He lied his head still, sobbing until his brain hurt so bad that slumber took him with ease. 

 

The sounds of gurgling and labored breathing erupted across Peter’s conscious, and brought his eyes to look down at Wade. He blinked away the blurriness of first sight, trying to fend off a yawn and failing as his eyes finally opened. 

He looked down at Wade with a much more aware stare, and saw his chest moving. It took a few seconds for the realization to really sink in, and when it did, he jumped back so abruptly that his chair flew across the room and slammed into the wall. 

“Wade?!” His hands cupped around Wade’s face, and shook him a bit. Wade made a fuss at the contact. His voice broke through his slightly parted lips and whispered something inaudible to Peter. 

“What?” The tears came pouring down again, bringing the head ache he’d shook during sleep right back. 

“I’m - k.”  

“You are so not even close to being ok!” Peter pulled Wade up, lifting him into his chest with a great ease. “You fucking shot yourself, and you’ve been out for a month and a half!” Peter screamed at him through his broken breathing. His voice shook and his eyes locked themselves into tight lines, trying hard to fend off more tears as anger took hold of him. “You left me alone you bastard!” 

“I… sorry.” Wade’s body was stiff from the constant lying, and it was taking his muscles longer than usual to relax.

“Oh, you’re sorry?! Like that’s supposed to-”

Peter stopped. His eyes were caught in a dance with Wade’s deep stare, and in the moment of shared contact, both shaking from fear of loss, he felt himself losing touch with reality. The bleak and white room faded into nothing, and all that was before him was Wade. All that he could see was Wade’s tired face. All he could see was a man so in love with him, that he’d been driven to suicide because of rejection. 

“I love you.” Peter’s voice broke into the air through sobbing. “I love you so much you fucking ass!” He smacked Wade’s chest with the bottom of his fist, as if hammering him. “Don’t  you fucking- don’t you-- you just… You can’t- You- fuck!” He couldn’t think straight enough to form a single coherent thought. 

“I’m sorry.” Wade’s rough voice fell over Peter’s ears, and forced his shaking stare up. His face was stained red from the salty tears he couldn’t hold in. His face looked so hot, and bothered, and Wade was sure he had a headache from how hard he’d been crying. “Peter… I’m… Sorry.” Wade was struggling to talk, clearing his voice every few seconds to keep the pained sound in his voice at bay. “I’m sorry baby boi.” 

“Don’t…” Peter’s face fell into Wade’s chest. The tips of his fingers clung to Wade’s shirt. Peter hated the shirt, the stupid shirt had a picture of him in a half ripped up suit that exposed so many part of him that never should have been exposed. He’d wondered why Steve and Tony would have even allowed the nurse to put it on him, but never bothered to ask. 

“I’m sorry Peter. I’m sorry.” Wade’s hands tangled into the brown locks, lifting Peters head so he could get a good look at the fucked up mess he’d made. “I love you.” 

He watched the trembling in Peter’s eyes as the words came from his lips. He watched as the young man went a little limp, but still clung to him like he was the life of the universe. He watched as Peter gave in, completely, to the moment. His eyes closed, and he relaxed, just a bit, into Wade. He rested himself there, head in Wade’s hands, chest shaking from the sobs he tried so hard to control but failed to. 

Yet it was perfect. As much pain as his heart was in, the happiness that overwhelmed him so much, the pain of the thought of losing Wade, all of it - felt so right. It was as if in that very moment, he knew how the rest of his life would pan out, and he was openly accepting it with his whole heart. 

He craved Wade. He needed Wade. He wanted Wade. 

 

“Baby boi?” Wade’s hands around his cheeks, the warmth of his touch, it brought Peter’s eyes to open. The smoldering look of someone so completely in love reached Wade’s stare, bringing the lightest smile to his lips. “You ok?” 

“No,” Peter shook his head between Wade’s hands, lifting his fingers to touch along the damaged and scarred skin. He caught the look of disgust in Wade’s eyes. But before Wade had the chance to tug away like usual, Peter pulled the man’s hand from his cheek and kissed at his palm. That time his eyes stayed closed. 

“Peter?” Wade’s voice was soft in the room, and only the annoying ticking of the clock, and the beeping of the monitor accompanied the otherwise silent moment. 

He planted another kiss, moving up Wade’s hand, towards his wrist. One after another, he left small traces of where his lips had lied on such tarnished skin that he adored to the very last detail. And all the while, his eyes were closed. 

His senses were tingling like mad. Every bump and ripple of burned and charred flesh was magnified. He was memorizing every unique dip and curve - bump and hole. He was taking in Wade at his whole. _ Feeling _ him completely. 

Wade’s breath caught in his throat when Peter’s lips reached his collar bone.  **I’m surprised he didn’t say clavicle.** [That’s true, he does like that word.]

“Not now, guys…” Wade’s voice came out strained, and a grunt followed it when Peter’s teeth scraped against his neck. 

**This is kinda… intimate. Like it’s weirdly romantic.** [Considering how most people probably wouldn’t want to sleep together after something like this, I like that they’ve reached the point to where they’re both ready to.] 

“Ah, shut up!” Wade’s groan transformed into a pant as Peter’s teeth dug down into his skin. He wasn’t really in the best condition to do any heavy lifting, or really anything too physical - but he also wasn’t going to let the opportunity once again slip through his fingers. 

His hand tangled into Peter’s hair gripping tight as the young man’s mouth gnawed away at his flesh and forced him to whimper. 

Peter’s legs shifted until he was fully straddling Wade, biting and nibbling at every inch of the man’s neck that he could get to. 

“Peter, calm down.” Wade let out a muffled moan. He’d have let it go more audible if he could have shaken the shock that washed over him when he felt Peter’s hand gripping him so hard. He caught Peter’s stare from half lidded eyes, grabbing at the slim waist to pull him down harder. 

“I don’t…” Peter’s voice was soft against Wade’s ear. “I don’t think you want me to.” He licked his lips, letting his tongue touch the edge of Wade’s ear lobe. 

Peter was graced with another wanting moan, enjoying the pressure of Wade’s hand against the small of his back. The amount of heat between them was burning his body to ashes. 

The hand against his back tightened its hold, digging at the soft flesh until Peter’s skin dipped and curved against the palpating fingers. He let hot breath fall over the youthful ears. {UGH WHY MUST HE BE A CHILD?!?!?!?!} 

“Stop it! Stop talking!” Wade groaned, biting against Peter’s neck. He couldn’t describe the sound even if he’d cared enough to. It was something between a gasp, a moan, and a whimper. All he knew was that the sound that resonated from Peter’s slightly parted lips was going to fuel his dominance for the rest of the evening. He loved seeing the young man so unhinged and wanting, so raw, so needy and desperate for love.

His hand shifted down to cup Peter’s ass. He gave a quick and firm squeeze, a little too much pressure for a usual couple - other than perhaps those into BDSM. The lust that was laced in the noises escaping Peter’s wetted lips sent shivers up Wade’s spine. He was slipping into paradise. 

“Wade…” Peter’s voice was hushed and low, raspy and rough as his mind struggled to focus enough to speak things other than begging pleas of inappropriate desires. 

“Baby boi?” Wade’s hands shifted up and down his back. His fingers couldn’t get enough of the tight skin on bone. Half massages, feeling every ripple of muscle beneath the skin. 

“I love you.” Peter’s hazel eyes peered up at the deep brown across him. The tears that had fallen so easily from the near missed love had turned into tears of joy. He’d finally been graced with what he’d wanted for so long. 

“I love you, Peter Parker.” Wade’s hands moved up to Peter’s face, lifting his face to look at him with such affection that they both felt broken because of it. Peter clung to him, clawing at Wade’s back as the situation turned hot, again. Soft hands tugged at the shirt cloaking scarred skin. He pulled it up and over Wade’s head, knowing the merc still wanted to hide behind it, but refused to let him. 

Wade couldn’t have been controlled even with all the power under the sun. His fingers grabbed at Peter’s pants and tugged hard, nearly knocking the man off the bed. He caught him, though, and tore the pants off once he’d rendered the young man onto his back. He looked over the anxiety building across Peter’s perfect face. 

“W-wade?” Nervousness soaked his every word. And while confidence had taken part of his body, it was too painfully obvious that he was still scared about what was going to happen. Come hell or high water, Peter was going to let Wade ravage him. He had to. 

“We’ll go slow.” Wade’s response came quickly and with very little thought. It gave him a bit of confidence to know that even subconsciously he cared about Peter’s well being. 

“I haven’t cleaned…” Peter’s face was a hot red as the words came. He went for the blanket, trying to pull it over his face. He was met with Wade’s hand on his wrist, holding him still and exposed in nothing more than a black t-shirt. 

“It’s ok.” 

“But - what if… you get… dirty?” 

“How long has it been since you’ve-”

“Wade, please… just give me a few minutes.” Peter tugged at Wade’s grip on his wrists, looking over at the aggression that made his belly tingle. Spidey sense? Something like that. 

“You’ve got 5.” He let his grip loosen and leaned back, crossing his arms. “Only because you seem to care so much if I get shit dick.” 

“I want you to want to do this again.” Peter jolted off the bed and disappeared behind the door in a flash. Wade was left sitting alone, rubbing his hands up and down his face to try and ease some of the tension building in his gut. 

He heard the sound of rushing water and labored breathing. He wasn’t 100% sure what all Peter was doing in his “preparation” but he knew at least part of what he was doing. 

He lied back on the back, tossed an arm over his face and shoved his hand in his pants. Which was surprising considering he knew he didn’t need to “fluff” himself. But still, tempting himself with slow pleasure only to be denied was quite the enthusing thing to do. Perhaps he was a bit of a masochist. 

The creaking of the door brought him to lower his arm and peer across to the young man at the foot of the bed. Peter looked so perfect, arm over his chest, lower half completely open and exposed. He wasn’t hard, and Wade would have been lying if he’d said he wasn’t disappointed. Then again he wasn’t totally aware of all the things Peter had been doing for the three minutes he’d been gone. And Wade was preoccupied himself, realizing how serious things had gotten between them. Peter wanted him, painfully obvious. The man had come out of a comma, and Peter was simply desperate to give him all the attention he could. 

It wasn’t lust, it was love. 

 

But seeing him standing at the end of the bed, with rosey red cheeks, watching him nibble at his lower lip as his breathing was less than controlled, and watching his eyes dart in rapid succession to try and land on anything that could grant him even the smallest bit of security - that was what made Wade realize that he wanted Peter just as much as Peter wanted him. 

The youthful worry, the naive nature he constantly had. He knew Peter wasn’t an idiot. Obviously. He knew that his baby boi had some understanding of what sex between two men was like, otherwise he’d not have made such a big deal about “cleaning up.” 

Wade’s eyes skimmed over Peter’s half naked body. He liked the look he had. That black t-shirt being the only thing covering him, it was sweet and innocent - and Wade loved to destroy sweet and innocent things. And that included Peter, and his strange romantic involvement with the Merc. Though he’d been leaning more towards saving that relationship rather than ruining it. He couldn’t say many others would have stuck by his bedside whilst being comma ridden for a month and a half. 

Wade was expecting to need to take the aggressive lead with Peter. As per the usual events, it wasn’t unlikely a scenario to play out. But when his eyes closed, longer than he’d expected to let them linger closed, he felt the pressure over his body. And once his brown eyes opened, he’d found Peter straddling him, again. 

“Why are you so interested in being on top?” Wade’s lips curled into a smile, reading the blush in the dim room. He hadn’t noticed it until then, but it was later than he’d thought, around 8 pm. He shifted his eyes for a moment to the clock. Close enough. 

“You shouldn’t move too much. I know you’re bodies sore and stiff.” Peter’s hand moved to Wade’s cheek, stroking against his face. 

“So sweet.” Wade mumbled against Peter’s palm, half wishing the moment had stayed as hot as it had been before Peter insisted to prepare himself for the real fun. Leading back into the moment seemed frivolous, but at the same time, Wade wanted to take every second with Peter and stretch it into eternity. 

“I’m far from sweet.” Peter’s hands moved to Wade’s shoulders, holding the man as his hips moved a bit. He felt Wade’s body tense at the sudden suggestive movement. His eyes stayed on the man below him, and he tried hard to fend off the sudden confidence rushing through him. He loved having that false sense of control - or the actual small amount of control he had being in the position he was in. 

Wade smiled right back at him, lifting his eyes to give a playful glare. He wasn’t really sure if things were going to happen or not, and he had little faith that they would. And he was still okay with it. 

“Baby boi-” He was cut short by Peter’s swift movements. It was like Wade had forgotten how flexible and quick the young hero could move. In a blink Peter had shifted down Wade’s body, and pulled the man out of his pants. 

Wade’s breathing was heavier than usual, and Peter wasn’t even doing anything, not then. He was simply smirking up at him, watching as brown eyes shook like mad at the things that were about to happen. A dream come true, at least for Peter. 

He opened his mouth, letting out hot breath over Wade’s twitching dick. He kept his eyes on the man, watching as he tried so hard to keep his confidence. Peter was fairly certain that Wade wanted to let out a whimper and go as vocal as he could with his lungs, but he also had a feeling that Wade wouldn’t let himself show that side. 

He licked at the flesh, tasting the salty sweet nectar of Wade’s body. It was a good taste, not what he’d expected, though he wasn’t entirely sure what he was expecting. He supposed he’d imagined Wade to taste metallic, and he’d had no reasoning for that theory. Yet it had always been his main belief. 

Peter lifted his eyes to Wade, watching as they fell closed when his tongue moved against the hard shaft before him. He swallowed it. With ease that should have concerned Wade but couldn’t have. He was too far gone in the intense moment to have an even half rational thought. 

“Shit,” Wade huffed, hands moving with instinct to Peter’s head. He grabbed at brown locks of hair and struggled not to push back into Peter’s mouth. He didn’t want to rush it, he promised they’d go slow. And he was going to follow that promise. 

Peter pulled back, gasping a little. The smirk dancing on his lips was enough to challenge Wade. He sat up, pushing his pants down further, kicking them off once he was on his knees. He had always liked the thought of only pushing his pants down enough to “get free” so that he could have his fun - but with Peter, nudity wasn’t something to fear. 

Wade pushed Peter back, forcing him to lie down in such a way he could crawl with ease between Peter’s legs. He shifted himself around, rubbing against Peter just enough to get a soft moan. Peter’s flexibility was still surprising. He tangled his legs around Wade’s waist, grabbing at his hips to guide him. 

“Are you su-”

“Yes.” Peter’s voice was drenched in desire, so much that Wade lost all inhibitions and felt himself just diving in. He grabbed himself, guiding it up against Peter. But he stopped at the soft gasp. He couldn’t go in dry, that was stupid. 

“I need-” Wade stopped at the cold touch dripping down the bottom of his dick. He shivered at the rush of adrenaline chasing the chill. Peter really was prepared. 

“Do it.” Peter leaned up, grabbing Wade’s shoulders as he lifted his hips. His eyes caught Wade’s and he stared up at him as the merc leaned in, pushing his hips in bit by bit. 

Peter’s lips fell open, and his eyebrows lifted together. He whimpered, but kept his eyes on Wade. Nails dug into flesh with every bit of pressure, and he tried so hard to relax. Deep breaths filled his lungs only be released with the sounds of pain. Wade wanted to stop, and he did, for a moment. But Peter shifted his hands down to Wades waist, pulling him in with his excessive strength. It wasn’t something Wade could argue with. 

They both let out soft moans, though Wade’s was by far more pleasured sounding than Peter’s, which made sense. The merc let out some less than child friendly words as the release of adrenaline fully washed over him. 

It didn’t take long for Peter to really relax into it. Wade felt it, instantly, when Peter finally reached the full enjoyment of the moment. Suddenly, Peter was shifting against him, rolling into his every thrust. The young man’s fingers were digging at his skin, back arching with every push and movement Wade gave towards the body beneath him. 

The noises erupting from Peter’s lips were laced with so much satisfaction that Wade could hardly focus on anything other than doing what he was doing to keep those sounds loud and audible. He’d never cared about getting someone to cum so much in his life. 

He listened to Peter’s voice jumping octave after octave as he got closer and closer. Wade never felt someone twitch against him so much before - and he’d had quite the string of lovers. Peter’s hands grabbed onto Wade’s shoulder blades, and he lifted into him, chest to chest, clawing until he thought Wade was bleeding. His lips fell open and he couldn’t even make a sound. All he did was shiver and convulse beneath Wade. He clung to him, legs and arms, like a spider monkey. {Haha}

“Don’t - don’t pull out.” Peter kept moving his hips. Wade kept pushing in and pulling out, and Peter was building up again in a matter of seconds. He clawed at Wade’s skin, grinding back so hard he was going to be bruised for sure. 

“You’ll get sick.” Wade’s voice was strained, grunting his hot and sticky breath into Peter’s vulnerable ear. 

“I want it.” Peter huffed against Wade’s ear, opening his mouth enough to let out a muffled groan. 

“Don’t-” Wade paused, biting at his lip to stave off his excitement. “Don’t blame me…” He grunted, tugging at the sheets. “When you’re gut hurts.” 

Peter’s body rolled into Wade’s, and without realizing it his hands grabbed at Wade’s waist, and his mouth let out moan after moan, harmonizing with the strange laugh like grunting coming from Wade. 

 

Rapid breathing filled the room. They just stared at each other, content, fingers interlocked. 

“I love you, Wade Wilson.” 

“I love you, Peter Parker.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the story. Currently, this is all i plan to do with it. I like where it ended... It's happy, I guess... So enjoy that.   
> I've got a lot of personal shit going on right now, and honestly, I'm just kinda... too upset lately to write. I just... don't have it in me anymore... I'm sick of feeling...

**Author's Note:**

> Favorite word: disheveled.  
> I always feel like the chapters are so much longer than they really are! :(
> 
> I'm not even sure if this pairing is still really liked... 
> 
> Remember comments inspire the author!  
> Kudo's feed them!


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